What’s “Up Chuck”?

I watched an Unwrapped episode recently on The Food Network about foods people enjoy at the movie theater and it took me back.  I used to be a big fan of Sugar Daddies when I was a kid.  I loved the way they would form to the shape of your mouth.  You could hold it by the stick on top of your tongue and press it into the roof of your mouth and when you took it out it would remain in that shape.  I’ve sat through many a movie back in the day with a Sugar Daddy in hand.  I never was much of a fan of Daddy’s smaller bean sized offspring the Sugar Baby, although I did enjoy a box or two of Milk Duds.  Yep, I remember watching The Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Porky’s, Return of the Jedi, The Breakfast Club, Pretty In Pink, Star Trek (the first three movies) and even Platoon sucking on the caramel goodness.  It’s a wonder I don’t have a lot more fillings in my teeth than I do now.

Nowadays I’m just about the popcorn and a soft drink.  Although I usually smuggle some of those small airplane bottles of Jim Beam in with me to mix in with the Diet Coke.  That’s why you ladies should always bring a purse/pocketbook (is pocketbook just a Southern thing?) with you to the theater.  Empty that bad boy out and fill it full of shot sized bottles of liqueur.  That’ll make a comedy, especially something featuring Will Ferrell or anything made by Judd Apatow, so much more funnier.  You might also want to throw into the pocketbook a few cans of Diet Coke as well, so there won’t have to be extra trips to the concession area to refill the cup.  Just beware you might have to make an unscheduled trip to the restrooms somewhere around the middle of the flick.

So, what is your movie theater snack of choice these days?  Why don’t you tell me what you liked back when you were a kid and also what you like to have in the present time.  I’m interested to hear what you got to say.  Maybe it’ll turn me on to something different.

Well I survived the week in Chicago.  It actually turned out to be a good one.  I met some great new people, learned a lot, ate some good food, had quite a few good drinks and learned my new job will have even more responsibility than I thought.  Believe it or not I’m pretty excited about it.  The roommate situation was a breeze.  At first I thought I might be getting off easy.  When I checked in Tuesday night I had the room to myself.  The room was still short one person when I got up Wednesday morning.  Turns out he lives on Chicago’s South Side and decided to show up the morning of the first meeting.  He was a really nice guy and very modest, keeping his nudity confined to behind closed doors in the bathroom.  It’s funny, after I got home Friday night I watched The Office on tivo and realized that my roomie was a dead ringer for the character Creed on the show.  I also had the pleasure of meeting a sexy young fellow blogger from the area who came by to make my acquaintance.  We enjoyed spending some time together, but we’ll keep her anonymous for the time being.

I thought I’d take you on a photographic journey of my week out of town.  Unfortunately they are pictures taken with the camera phone, but still, pics always make a post better right?

Here’s a few of my room.

My bed was the one against the wall.

You may remember me mentioning my new brief case.  Well here it is…

The shower heads were nice.  One to spray in the face and another aimed at things further south…

Here’s the view from out my window.  That’s Wheeling, Illinois from ten floors up…

The last day the hotel was evacuated.  Never found out why, but here’s a shot from outside with the emergency vehicles present.

Our last night there we all went as a group to Bob Chinn’s Crabhouse.  It was hella good!  Here’s the plate of shell fish options we could choose from.  I had the snow crab legs and 8oz fillet.

The Chicago Bear’s offensive line was there eating as well and I took a picture of two of my co-workers with Olin Kreutz the long time center for the team…

I also saw John Favreau, but didn’t get a picture.  We did make eye contact though and do the head nod thing.  I got the feeling that he thought he knew me from somewhere, but couldn’t quite place me.

So there you have it.  My week in words and pictures.  It’s almost like you were there!  Hope everyone is doing well.  I’ve got a food show Monday and Tuesday and won’t be around much, but I’ll catch up with everyone as soon as I can.

I leave tomorrow for Chicago so I’m not sure how active I’ll be in the blogosphere for the rest of the week.  Sad isn’t it?  The real sad part, and the thing that is royally pissing me the F off is that I just found out I’ll have to have a roommate while I’m there.  And unfortunately it won’t be some hot chick from the Midwest.  It’ll be some co-worker, some dude I’ve never met.  You see I’ve been promoted into a newly created branch within my company that is 99% made up of people from another company that we’ve recently purchased.  So you see I don’t know any of these folks, and while I have no problem with making new friends, I don’t always want to spend the night with them….in the same room….sharing the same toilet…smelling their shit…possibly seeing them naked.  Yeah, you get the picture.  The only time we typically are forced to share a room is during our National Sales Meeting and that’s because it’s usually held at some swanky resort somewhere nice where the rooms are hella expensive.  The reason we’re having to it this time is because it was all last munite, thanks to Ike creating a change of venue, and I guess they couldn’t find a nice enough place with that many rooms available.  God this SUCKS!

Anyway…

• Keep my friend Kat in your thoughts this week.  Her son is having some pretty major surgery and I surely wish them both the best.
• I went to Sportclips to get my hair cut today and I overheard the stylist next to me tell her customer, “Wow your hair is so thick.”  He responded, “Yeah I’m pretty thick in other places too.”  The place got so silent you could have heard a hairpin drop for about five seconds until the guy, who had turned three shades of red said, “Uh, I mean my body.  I’m real stocky and kinda fat….that’s what I meant.”  Oh man, we all busted out laughing.  That poor guy was so embarrassed.  It was so like some of the “footstickinginmouth”  things that I’ve been known to say.
• For about three weeks now I’ve been eying this really nice briefcase/carry on rolling luggage thing they have for sale at Best Buy.  With my new job I’ve been wanting to get a nicer vessel to transport all my shit in.  I’m all about being professional.  Well after my haircut today I went and figured I’d drop the $59.99 on it.  I got up to the counter and it rang up $149.99.  I was like…no, that’s not what the tag says on the shelf.  They checked it out, took like 10 minutes, and discovered they had tagged it wrong so I walked away with a much more expensive piece of luggage for a whole lot less dough.  Yay me!
• The last time I was forced to have a roommate was last November at the National Sales meeting.  He was also some guy I didn’t know.  He was an older man from out west somewhere.  Everything was fine and dandy until the first night when he suddenly took to walking around our room naked.  Now normally male nudity doesn’t bother me.  I’ve spent enough time in shower and locker rooms in my day, but this guy was something else.  It wasn’t just the fact that he seemed totally at ease with his nekkidness…but he just happened to be possibly the skinniest man I’ve ever seen this side of some of those Concentration Camp liberation pictures.  And to make matters even worse, homeboy was hung like a freaking horse.  I mean like down to his knobby knees hung.  I seriously don’t need to see that!  It got so bad that at one point I actually said, “Y’all don’t wear much clothes where you’re from, do you?”  He just laughed and scratched his hairy balls and got in his bed.  To this day if I close my eyes and think about it I can still see Skeletor walking around the room with his long skinny cock swinging to and fro….and I don’t mean that in any kind of gay way.  I bet he has a real wet time when he takes a dump.

Well that’s about it for me today.  I’ll catch up when I can.  Y’all be good.

Well folks, it’s Friday and I’m soooo ready for the weekend.  This has been a long ass week.  Lot’s of work, all kinds of crap going on and I just need to take a couple days and unwind.  I was supposed to go to Houston next week for a meeting at The Woodlands.  Well hurricane Ike took care of changing those plans, so now instead I get to go to Chicago.  Bleh!  I go there too often.  I was wanting to check out somewhere I haven’t been before.  But what does it really matter anyway?  I’ll be in meetings the whole time.  Not like I’ll be out splashing in the pool with topless chicks in tiny string bikini bottoms.  Yeah….that’s a nice mental image.

Speaking of bikini bottoms…I took the kids on vacation back in July to Orange Beach, Alabama where we rented a three bedroom condo right on the beach.  I much prefer pools over all the sand and yuck in the ocean, and luckily this place had two nice sized pools right on the premises.  We spent a lot of time lounging around and swimming in the pools.  The place wasn’t too crowded, but there were a few little hotties who I would often spy lounging around the pool in their skimpy little bikinis.  I tried not to stare too much, because y’all know I’m in noway a perv, but sometimes it was hard not too.  And I definitely did NOT have my son stand near to where they were laying out just so I could, under the guise of videoing his antics, actually zoom in on the bikini clad bunnies.  Well it wasn’t intentional mind you but I did actually get video footage of a few of the crotches of these ladies.  I seriously don’t know how that happened.

Anyway I was cleaning out my camera case the other day to get ready to use it at my son’s birthday party and I realized I had never watched the home movies we made at the beach.  I popped the camera open and took out the mini DVD and stuck it in my computer.  I sat here watching the wonderful memories we had made for an hour.  I saw us in the car on the way down there, our first look around the condo, dinner out scarfing down shrimp, walking on the beach, picking up shells, swimming in the pool….and then it happened.  The 17″ screen of my laptop was suddenly filled up with white bikini clad cooter.  Not only was it there and filmed perfectly like the zoomed in close ups found on many adult oriented websites, but there appeared to be something terribly wrong.  The girl, or unintentional subject of my unintentional filming as I like to call her, had some type of string sticking out from the side of her cloth covered crotch.  She was laying on her back with her knees up, swaying her legs back and forth.  Each time the legs would open, and they would open wide, you could see that the little two inch length of string was definitely there.  By George I believe it might have been one of them there pully things from a feminine hygiene product.  I sat there in shock….wow, how did I, accidentally mind you, catch something like that?  But then it got better, er uh…worse…

The camera zooms back out and pans around for a minute filming my kids doing their thing then suddenly seems, like it had a mind of its own, to find yet another open and very visible female crotch!  Shocked again I lean in closer to the screen and what do I see?  Black hair.  Major amounts of black hair poking out from the sides of her bottoms.  How did I miss this stuff when I was actually filming?  Surely if I had noticed this obvious invasion of these anonymous people’s privacy through that little 3″ camera screen I would have stopped and deleted.

Well delete is definitely what I did.  I cut out a three minute chunk of the home movies I had made (once I watched it a few more times).  It certainly wouldn’t be appropriate to watch when we sit down as a family to recap our vacay on film.  Yeah that would be awkward.  Especially when the grandparents come to visit.  I tell you, I just don’t know how these things happen.

Have a good weekend!

Is it Friday yet?  Damn, what a week.  I think yesterday was like the busiest day I’ve had at work in a while.  I’m sure all of y’all got to lay around taking it easy while I was slaving away here in the home office in my boxer shorts and wife beater t-shirt.  Yeah, that’s a mental image I’m sure you’ll savor for a while…

Y’all remember the time about a year ago when it came out about that Congressman Craig guy who got caught wanting to slob a knob in an airport bathroom?  Remember the post I made on the subject and the picture of myself sitting on the shitter that I included?  We discussed in the post, and the subsequent 31 comments, that getting your game on in a bathroom, surrounded by the sounds and smell of shitting wasn’t exactly the best idea.  Well folks it’s happened again, only this time I was present during the act.  Would you like to hear about it?  Good, I thought you might….

A little over a month ago I took the family out to an early dinner at The Olive Garden.  Y’all know The Olive Garden Right?  (Or the OG as I like to call it.)  We had decided to go and partake of the authentic Italian dishes they serve.  It’s hard to say that with a straight face….Anyway we’re there having our bottomless salad and bread sticks, and had just ordered our meal when all of a sudden I felt the urge to go take a leak.  I excused myself and made my way to the bathroom which was totally visible from where we were sitting.  I go in and notice the two stalls, doors closed, and the two urinals separated by a shoulder high wall.  On first glance I deduct that I’m the only person in the bathroom.  I go to the urinal closest to the second stall wall and proceed to take my junk out and take a piss.  Right about the time my zipper goes down I hear a noise from the stall next to me.  It’s a low kinda moaning overlapped by a slurping sound.  My first thought was that someone was there taking a shit and sucking their teeth.  The moans intensify, along with the sucking sounds, and I quickly shake my shit off and redeposit it down in my boxers.  I flush and turn around and head to one of the two sinks.  As I’m washing my hands I have a perfect view of the stalls behind me through the mirror, and the one inch gap between the door and the stall wall.  It is there, as I look into the mirror, that I realize I’m seeing a naked ass in the one inch crack of space. I’m thinking…there’s no way this is happening, and drop the paper towel so I can have an excuse to bend over and pick it up and therefore gaze under the door.  What I see is disturbing.  I see two sets of feet there.  One of them sitting and another standing.  The guy standing is obviously naked because I can see that his shorts are around his ankles.

I stand there and wash my hands again thinking, Why a bathroom?  I understand there a places where men go to hook up, but why does it have to be in bathrooms and why the friggin Olive Garden?  Disgusted and quite skeeved out I leave and return to the family at our table.  I momentarily consider telling the management about what I had seen, and pretty much decided to do so when all of a sudden I see one guy exit the bathroom, one guy who happens to be an OG employee, followed about thirty seconds later by a dude in shorts and a t-shirt.  The employee disapeared back into the kitchen area and the civilian, who appeared to be a 40 something average Joe type, sits down a few tables away with two elderly people and a teenaged kid.  I just sit there flabbergasted, but I keep my mouth shut.  It’s just amazing to what lengths some men will go to get off.

I wonder how this happened?  Was it something that was arranged prior or is this a regular service you can get like an item on the appetizer menu?  Does the hostess, after asking how many is in your party ask, “And would you like your blow job straight or gay?” It ain’t ever happened to me I tell ya.  Wow.

Now, for today’s “I Should Keep It To Myself (ISKITM)” item:  Edit - due to many negative reactions I’ve removed my original ISKITM.  I’ll think of another and get back with you.  While I enjoy grossing y’all out on occasion, I don’t want to drive anyone away…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, cause I’ve had a a lot time to myself, and I’ve come to a conclusion.  I believe I prefer bush.  No, not Bush as in the president but bush as in hairy cooters.  I don’t know what’s caused this sudden change in me.  For most of my years I’ve been brainwashed into thinking that bare is the way to go.  I blame it on the porn industry of the mid to late 90’s till today, not that I’ve seen much of it of course.  I don’t know what’s come over me.  Maybe it’s the lack of poonage I’ve experienced lately but I’ve really been putting serious thought into this.

I’m not against shaving or trimming completely.  I still believe there needs to be some maintenance that takes place.  I don’t think hair growing up the thighs or stomach is hot.  Like this (NSFW) for example.  I think things should be trimmed down below, but a healthy growth on top is nice.  I found an example of this as well (obviously also NSFW).  Hmmm, I wonder if that diamond is real…

So, should I be worried that I’ve spent time lately contemplating snatch hair patterns?  Is this normal?  What does this say about me?  Am I a perv?  Is there hope for me yet?  Maybe I just need to get laid.

Well ladies, what do you think?  What sort of grooming practices do you keep?  If you’re a shaver would you be willing to give it 30 days and let things get all natural like?  The winter months are approaching you know.  If you choose to take my 30 day challenge I’d suggest you keep a photographic journal to track your journey in cooter hair follicle freedom.  I’d be happy to offer my services as a impartial judge and give you my opinion of the pictures you take….And guys, what are your views on the coochie beard?

Wow, deep thoughts for a Tuesday huh?  Yeah, I know…I have issues.  But that’s what makes me special, right?

I thought I’d start a new trend here and share one thing at the end of every post that I should probably keep to myself.  It’s like a liberating kind of thing, putting my odd and/or dirty laundry out there on the internets.  Today’s “I Should Keep It To Myself (ISKITM) item is this:  I’m addicted to the daytime drama, All My Children.  I’ve watched it somewhat regularly since 1981 when my mother got me hooked.  I tivo it everyday and watch it at night while I eat dinner.

I gots a few things for y’all on this here lovely Friday mornin’.  One of which is gonna take some input from all you fine, and not so fine, folks!

• First of all I got to thank Hallie for her mention of me and my blog on Wednesday.  I got 666 hits that day.  That’s more than I’ve had in quite a while, probably since my old HNT days.  It just makes me wonder how evil my blog must be to achieve such a mark of the beast number like that!
• Looks like Ike is about ready to smack East Texas up side the head.  Got some friends in his path, especially my best buddy Julie.  She and her family moved recently and now they’re living right in the proposed path of the storm.  Let’s hope everyone comes out okay.
• I’ve recently discovered Brazilian Fart Fetish, uh…videos.  Have you seen this stuff?  Probably not, and you might not want to check it out.  I’ll give you a hint as to what it’s about.  Picture two chicks.  One with a butt and another with a nose/mouth.  Maybe throw in some consumed black beans….yeah, you’re getting the picture now aren’t you?  I saw a little thing about it on South Park and just had to look into.  It might even be too gross for me, if you can believe that.
• For some crazy reason I found myself watching yesterday’s tivo-ed episode of Oprah last night.  While I’ve often found myself learning valuable lessons from Oprah and her guests, I haven’t been as entertained (and slightly uncomfortable) watching it as I was last night.  Her guest was M. Gary Neuman and he was pushing his new book, The Truth About Cheating.  His book is written for women and its a manual for you to understand what it is that might make your man wanna find a little sugar on the side.  I must say I found it very interesting.  The points addressed, both those created by the wife and those by the husband, were pretty on track.  Its not that I have experience in such things, its just that I could understand why it could happen.  Here’s a tip from Chuck(ie) or is it Chuck(y)?….from now until 7pm PST tonight you can download a copy of the book free by going here.  You ladies need to do it for two reasons: 1. it might save your marriage and 2. Oprah might not be as generous again.

And finally, the part I need your help on:

• Since I’m all gung ho back into blogging and all I’ve decided to go with my own dot com.  Yeah I know it’ll be a pain to change your links and bookmarks for me, but it’s just something I’ve been wanting to do for a while.  whatsupchuck dot com is taken already by some lame ass ventriloquist guy, so I’ve got to come up with something else.  This is where you, dear readers, come in.  I’ve been given some ideas already, like: