Catching Up With Bullet Point BS #2
Posted by Chuck on March 10th, 2008
Well here I sit. In a hotel suite, snug as a bug in a rug. It’s chilly in here. Only because I have the a/c turned down to 55. The temp outside is 65. I’ve been out drinking tonight. Went to the local Ruby Tuesday and made a couple new friends. More about that later. For now I’ll give you all an update as to what all has been going on in my life recently. I’m quite buzzed. Shall I use the familiar bullet point method? Yes, I think I shall…
- Had strep throat and was sick as a dog for three days early last week. All better now. Thank you for all your well wish related comments and emails.
- My dog Trooper had to have surgery. He had a stone in his bladder. It cost $685.00 to get fixed (including meds, hospital stay, lab tests, new food, etc). I asked how much it would cost to put him to sleep. My wife wasn’t pleased with that question.
- Friday I’ll be getting my annual bonus. It’ll be a LOT of money. We’ve already got it all spent. Paying off some debt/HD plasma TVs and treadmills.
- With all the car travel I’ve been doing lately, and since none of y’all offered to call and talk to me while I was driving, I’ve re-discovered books on CD. Week before last I listened to The Book of the Dead, by Patricia Cornwell. Now I’m listening to The Other Boleyn Girl.
- I haven’t had sexual relations, with another person, in three weeks. I’m beginning to wonder if I should, once again, find myself a girlfriend. It’s been a while since I’ve done so, but I’ve just got too much loving to keep to myself. It’s just not fair if I don’t spread a little around. The sad thing about it all is, if I were to get me a girlfriend I doubt my wife would even care. Then again I could be viewing this all through Jim Beam colored glasses.
- I painted the master bathroom this past weekend. It’s still a work in process. I hate painting, by the way.
- I was so glad that Danny Noriega was kicked off American Idol last week. My 14 year old daughter thought he was the best and actually cried when he was booted. The scary thing is, she and him have the same haircut.
- Sunday night, in a fit of hunger induced insanity, I ate 14 of those pizza bagel bite things that I had bought for the kid’s snacks. This morning my irritable bowl syndrome was quite vocal in it’s displeasure of my abuse.
- I continue to sit, night after night, watching Big Brother After Dark on Showtime. I’m also occasionally watching the live feeds on Realnetwork. It’s so damn addicting. Tonight I’m in a hotel with only HBO. Guess it’ll be the live feeds for me.
- I have a new company automobile. A 2008 Ford Taurus. It’s black. Why I picked a black car that shows dirt so bad I’ll never know.
- Congrats to the University of Tennessee BasketVols. Both Men and Women. What an awesome season! Now let’s go bring home a couple National Championships!
I’ll end the bullet points for now. Believe me, I could go on and on. But I thought I’d stop here and go back to talking about my night at the bar at Ruby Tuesday. As often happens when I’m out of town I tend to make friends at the bars and restaurants I frequent. Tonight was no different. The town I’m in is host to a major Army flight facility. There were several members of various countries military present. I noticed German, British, Canadian, and Saudi in the house. I’m told they all come here for training.
First I met Bird. Yes, that was his real name, or so he said. He had come by for a drink, or six, because his Lab had been attacked by a vicious Pit bull. The poor dog was in the hospital with his throat ripped out, but Bird was belly up to the bar anyway. We talked about dogs, small towns, cocaine and midgets. Yep, he informed me that his wife’s family was full of midgets, although his wife was not one of them. He said he was pretty sure, if they were to have a baby, it would be a little person. Of course my interest in midgets was piqued, especially when he told me that three of his female cousin’s in-law were midget strippers. I asked if any of them were escorts and he said he’d check and let me know tomorrow night.
Bird was on my left, but Theresa was on my right. She was a big girl, and by big I don’t mean fat but like over six feet tall. She was tall and as dark as a Hershey Select Candy bar. She had these huge titties which, when she swung around in my direction, would smack me in the shoulder. I asked her if she had played basketball and she told me with a wink that she loves playing with all kinds of balls. She then placed her left hand, and it was a big one, on my right thigh. I squirmed in my seat as her long brown finger trailed it’s way up my thigh and began to stroke the bulge in the crotch of my pants. Unfortunately that bulge wasn’t growing and it frightened me to think what Theresa might do to me if she realized her “advancements” weren’t working. I quickly excused myself to the restroom and when I got back I found her interest had turned to the two Saudi military personnel at the other end of the bar.
Yes folks it was an exciting night, let me tell ya. There is so much more to tell, but right now I’m about to pass out. It’s around 11pm and I’ve been hard at it since 6:20 this morning. I’ve got a big day of work tomorrow, then another night with my new “friends” at the bar. I’ll let y’all know how it turns out.
I’ll leave you with this picture. The other night I slung my socks onto the head of my sweet Trooper. His look, once I found my camera, was not one of enthusiasm.
March 11th, 2008 at 12:20 am
Hey Chuck…glad you’re feeling better and making new, gropey friends.
Sorry I didn’t call last week…if I’d have been on the road, I’d have been happy to call and shoot the shit for a while.
Take care and good travels.
March 11th, 2008 at 7:42 am
I’m going to have to start hanging out Ruby Tuesday more often! Theresa wasn’t a she-male, was she?
March 11th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Sounds like an eventful night…LOL! Theresa sounds quite scary. I’d have hightailed it to the bathroom, too.
Stay safe on the road!
What kind of breed is Trooper? I could have sworn you had a Boston terrier.
March 11th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Nope, nothing half that exciting at our local Ruby’s, but there is a quiet little barkeep there that’s intriguing!
If you need any help with the midgets…let me know.
Glad your mut is getting better…like you, I’d spend a week’s pay to save my animals life.
Started to call…but something came up and I clean forgot.
March 11th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I think it’s a blast being out of town and meeting new people. At least if I get drunk and do something totally stupid, they’ll most likely never see me again anyway.
xoxo Have a great trip!
March 11th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Man, your life sounds complicated. I hope your little buddy, and everything at the house gets better. I totally forgot about how you wanted folks to call. Wish I had. Take care of yourself buddy.
March 11th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
I was in the ‘Ham again today. I woulda called but I figured you were having so much fun at a trade show that you wouldn’t have time to talk.
I hate painting worse than you do. I know this because no one hates it as bad as I do.
We spent over $1200 in less than 2 weeks trying to save our dog last year. On the brighter side, the vet didn’t even charge us for putting her to sleep. See? There’s still a little good left in people nowadays.
Maybe you should ask Theresa to let you try on her flight suit. You know how women love a man in uniform.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
DH - Hey man! Thanks! Hope your travels are going well too!
Bunny - No, she wasn’t a she-male. She was ALL woman!
Christina - Trooper is a Cairn Terrier.
Mushy - Yep I need some midget help. What kind you offering?
Diva - I agree. I love getting away for a few days…..alone.
FHB - Thanks brother!
Doc - I’m actually down your way yesterday and today. Guess we missed each other! So you spent that much and still had to put the dog down? That would suck. Sorry.
March 11th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Hey Chuck !! My terrier just had 4 bladder stones removed !! Almost $1000.00 !! Who’s your vet, I’m going to them next time!
Apparently my vet charges extra since I live in Shelby County…..
March 11th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Wow! Maybe we shoulda met up at the local Ruby Tuesdays instead of Hooters. Sounds promising anyhow. That kinda stuff never happens to me.
March 11th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Our border collie Shelby had bladder stones too. I had them in a specimen jar on my kitchen window sill so I could look at them everyday since it cost us $900.00, What ever it took though, I loved her.
March 12th, 2008 at 7:25 am
You are a friendly boy aren’t you! Remind me, if you ever connect with Shmoopy for dinner to tell him NOT to do whatever you do! Monkey see, monkey DOES NOT do!!
Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/
March 12th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I was going to leave a comment about how much I enjoyed listening to those audio CD’s then as I continued to read, I see you talking about that freaking midget fascination stuff. That is just wrong!
March 12th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Question: What’s the female equivalent of blue balls? I’m posting this at Chuck & Slick’s site.
March 12th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Hey, our Ruby Tuesday’s doesn’t have a bar. I was just in there last week. It is just down the road from Hooters where I have never been. Need to go; need a reason to go.
Glad you are feeling better OR did you end up with a hang over!?!?!
March 12th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
After submitting this comment, I intend to solicit my city council to begin wooing Ruby Tuesday’s head honchos to build here. This would mean I’d have to get out of the house more, but hello? Amazon women? Why would I not!?
Trooper looks like there should be a thought bubble by his head, expressing his odd cocktail mix of love and disdain for you, Chuck. Man’s best friend endures a lot!
March 13th, 2008 at 8:45 am
I read the Other Boleyn Girl. Good book. Can’t wait to see the movie.
All those fly boys and you didn’t give out my phone number?? Shame on you.
March 13th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Hey there, glad you are better. It’s been awhile I wanted to stop in and check on you. My 7 year old has a nasty virus and is out of school until next week. I wanted to say hi and have a great rest of the week and weekend. Sending lot’s of Love and Big Big Hug’s……
March 13th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
You seem to have fun wherever you go!
March 14th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Chuck
go home and slap the chuck to your wife.
then take a pill.
stay out of the dang bars when you are out of town.
March 14th, 2008 at 11:58 am
why spend your money on that when you can use it to buy high class hookers? it’s all the rage with governors, why not you too? nothing puts the ASS in CLASS like a 5000 prosty!
March 14th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I suppose if you’re going to announced on your weblog that you’re looking for a girlfriend, that you can’t be too surprised if what you get instead is a divorce attorney. Just a thought.
March 14th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
(oalwc) I’m saying
March 14th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Your blog is the only one at work that has been banned by my company. I can read everybody else’s but for some reason yours comes back with mature block. I laughed my ass off. So now I guess I will have to wait to get home at nights to read about your adventures. BE COOL
March 17th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
I think we’d all have that reaction if some dirty socks were slapped over our heads:) I don’t even know where to start with that list of bullet points, but let me know how you liked The Other Boleyn Girl. I think the most popular car color here is silver b/c it doesn’t show anything. I felt into the trap as well, but mostly because it was the only color they had in style I wanted.