Well here I sit. In a hotel suite, snug as a bug in a rug. It’s chilly in here. Only because I have the a/c turned down to 55. The temp outside is 65. I’ve been out drinking tonight. Went to the local Ruby Tuesday and made a couple new friends. More about that later. For now I’ll give you all an update as to what all has been going on in my life recently. I’m quite buzzed. Shall I use the familiar bullet point method? Yes, I think I shall…

• Had strep throat and was sick as a dog for three days early last week. All better now. Thank you for all your well wish related comments and emails.
• My dog Trooper had to have surgery. He had a stone in his bladder. It cost $685.00 to get fixed (including meds, hospital stay, lab tests, new food, etc). I asked how much it would cost to put him to sleep. My wife wasn’t pleased with that question.
• Friday I’ll be getting my annual bonus. It’ll be a LOT of money. We’ve already got it all spent. Paying off some debt/HD plasma TVs and treadmills.
• With all the car travel I’ve been doing lately, and since none of y’all offered to call and talk to me while I was driving, I’ve re-discovered books on CD. Week before last I listened to The Book of the Dead, by Patricia Cornwell. Now I’m listening to The Other Boleyn Girl.
• I haven’t had sexual relations, with another person, in three weeks. I’m beginning to wonder if I should, once again, find myself a girlfriend. It’s been a while since I’ve done so, but I’ve just got too much loving to keep to myself. It’s just not fair if I don’t spread a little around. The sad thing about it all is, if I were to get me a girlfriend I doubt my wife would even care.  Then again I could be viewing this all through Jim Beam colored glasses.
• I painted the master bathroom this past weekend. It’s still a work in process. I hate painting, by the way.
• I was so glad that Danny Noriega was kicked off American Idol last week. My 14 year old daughter thought he was the best and actually cried when he was booted. The scary thing is, she and him have the same haircut.
• Sunday night, in a fit of hunger induced insanity, I ate 14 of those pizza bagel bite things that I had bought for the kid’s snacks. This morning my irritable bowl syndrome was quite vocal in it’s displeasure of my abuse.
• I continue to sit, night after night, watching Big Brother After Dark on Showtime. I’m also occasionally watching the live feeds on Realnetwork. It’s so damn addicting. Tonight I’m in a hotel with only HBO. Guess it’ll be the live feeds for me.
• I have a new company automobile. A 2008 Ford Taurus. It’s black. Why I picked a black car that shows dirt so bad I’ll never know.
• Congrats to the University of Tennessee BasketVols. Both Men and Women. What an awesome season! Now let’s go bring home a couple National Championships!

I’ll end the bullet points for now. Believe me, I could go on and on. But I thought I’d stop here and go back to talking about my night at the bar at Ruby Tuesday. As often happens when I’m out of town I tend to make friends at the bars and restaurants I frequent. Tonight was no different. The town I’m in is host to a major Army flight facility. There were several members of various countries military present. I noticed German, British, Canadian, and Saudi in the house. I’m told they all come here for training.

First I met Bird. Yes, that was his real name, or so he said. He had come by for a drink, or six, because his Lab had been attacked by a vicious Pit bull. The poor dog was in the hospital with his throat ripped out, but Bird was belly up to the bar anyway. We talked about dogs, small towns, cocaine and midgets. Yep, he informed me that his wife’s family was full of midgets, although his wife was not one of them. He said he was pretty sure, if they were to have a baby, it would be a little person. Of course my interest in midgets was piqued, especially when he told me that three of his female cousin’s in-law were midget strippers. I asked if any of them were escorts and he said he’d check and let me know tomorrow night.

Bird was on my left, but Theresa was on my right. She was a big girl, and by big I don’t mean fat but like over six feet tall. She was tall and as dark as a Hershey Select Candy bar. She had these huge titties which, when she swung around in my direction, would smack me in the shoulder. I asked her if she had played basketball and she told me with a wink that she loves playing with all kinds of balls. She then placed her left hand, and it was a big one, on my right thigh. I squirmed in my seat as her long brown finger trailed it’s way up my thigh and began to stroke the bulge in the crotch of my pants. Unfortunately that bulge wasn’t growing and it frightened me to think what Theresa might do to me if she realized her “advancements” weren’t working. I quickly excused myself to the restroom and when I got back I found her interest had turned to the two Saudi military personnel at the other end of the bar.

Yes folks it was an exciting night, let me tell ya. There is so much more to tell, but right now I’m about to pass out. It’s around 11pm and I’ve been hard at it since 6:20 this morning. I’ve got a big day of work tomorrow, then another night with my new “friends” at the bar. I’ll let y’all know how it turns out.

I’ll leave you with this picture. The other night I slung my socks onto the head of my sweet Trooper. His look, once I found my camera, was not one of enthusiasm.

Traveling today for work.  I intend to post tonight from the hotel room.  If not tonight, then definitely tomorrow.  Got a lot of catching up to do.