Last Wednesday Susan and I went to the mall to do some last minute shopping. While we were looking around I noticed a sexy lingerie outfit thing that I really liked and wanted to get for her. I showed it to her and she actually agreed, so we bought it. She wouldn’t allow me to take pictures of her in it (wonder why) but if you’d like to get a visual of its sheer wonder you can click here and see it. Later that night, with the kids gone to their moms, she decided to slip it on and we set out for some fun adult time in the bedroom. Without getting too graphic (y’all know being graphic ain’t my thing) lets just say we began the evening with some oral action. In this case the action was provided by me. I was just totally digging that little see thru “get up”, as I called it, and I couldn’t wait to pull that thong aside and get my face all up in there! I spent some time “all up in there” until I heard the offer I’d been waiting for. You know, the one where I’m given the opportunity to get my knob slobbed.

She turned over and motioned for me to stand at the edge of the bed. I gladly did so while leaning over and continuing to play around with what was under those sheer panties (So much for getting too graphic). I don’t know if I was providing too much finger manipulation and she just wasn’t able to focus, or maybe it was the odd angle (I was pretty much straddling her head at this point)….but somehow the pleasurable blow job experience was abruptly cut short and replaced with terrible pain. I jerked my body up and my cock out of her mouth and screamed, “Mother F!” Yes, I actually said “F” instead of f**k. Even in pain I’m a gentleman. I reached down and grabbed hold of my poor little buddy and wondered if the wetness I was feeling was only saliva. You see, somehow the skin on the underside of my penis, up just behind the head, (click here for a visual - NSFW) got caught between a gap in her top teeth. I swear if I wasn’t already circumcised I would be now. She’d have taken off my entire foreskin if I had any. Oh man how it hurt, and bled. She felt terrible and needless to say there wasn’t any sex that night. It would be a couple days before Lil’Chuckie felt like coming out to play again.

Christmas turned out to be a huge success! I took my family to church on Sunday and then again for a candle light service on Christmas Eve. My kids were all kinds of excited to get the Wii and even I had fun playing with it. My daughter got Guitar Hero III as well and let’s just say I’m quickly becoming a rockin’ wild man on guitar!

What gifts did Chuck get, you ask? Well I got this and it rocks! We already used the panini feature and I’m looking forward to using it as a griddle for pancakes and to cook burgers and chicken! I also got this book as a gift from my daughter and these shoes. This weekend we’re going to get a treadmill and new television for the bedroom. 2008 is going to be a year of getting healthy, losing weight and getting fit and I’ll be bringing y’all along for the ride! Doesn’t that sound exciting?

So, how was your holiday?

Hot dang! As of today I’m off work until January second. Boy I tell ya, I sure can use a break, plus there are a few chores I’ve been meaning to get done around the house. Like painting….so y’all wish me luck! I’ve let the kids go and spend a few days with their mom (till Sunday) so Susan and I decided to go out and see a movie last night. We saw I Am Legend. We thought it was awesome! Will Smith is the greatest actor of our age, imo. If he doesn’t win the Academy Award for this role it’ll be a crime.

Susan has TiVoed every single holiday themed movie from Lifetime, Hallmark and ABC Family. There are about twenty of these cheesy lovey dovey Christmas movies left to watch. She keeps saying she’ll get them all watched in time, but I’m thinking it’s going to be a bit difficult. Hey, as long as I don’t have to sit and watch that trash it’ll be okay. Frankly I think they all are pretty stupid. Unless they’re going to teach her how to give a better blow job I don’t think she should waste her time. But that’s just me…

Well y’all this will be it for me till after Christmas, so I thought I’d send you all holiday greetings and post a picture of our Christmas tree. Unfortunately every picture I took turned out blurry, but this one was the least blurry of them all. I hope each of you have a wonderful holiday spent with the people you love. If you travel, I hope you have safe journeys. Me? I’ll be here at home the whole time. Christmas is the one holiday I don’t like to leave home for. I’ll take the kids over to open presents with their mom around 10am then she’ll bring them back home in time for the big dinner I will have prepared. Y’all remember my free ham don’t ya?! Oh yeah….we’ll be eating big I tell you!

Before I close I’d like to wish my good friend Julie a happy birthday!  Today she turns 34 and she’s going to get a massage to celebrate.  Happy birthday Julie The Non-Blogger!!
Merry Christmas everyone! Better hurry and go finish up your shopping!

Have you heard about the hairstyle that supposedly originated in Alabama?  It’s called Bama Bangs and Urban Dictionary defines it as:

“A popular hair style among males in the southeast United States. It is characterized by long, thick bangs that completely cover the forehead. It is thought by many to have originated in the state of Alabama.  Used in a sentence: John Boy done got his Bama Bangs stuck in the threshing machine.”

The MTV reality show, Two-A-Days filmed here in Hoover Alabama, helped make the style famous worldwide during the two seasons it was on the air.  You can see a set of Bama Bangs here in this picture of John Parker Wilson who happens to be the quarterback at the University of Alabama.

Seriously, you walk around the malls or go to high school football games around here and probably 7 out of 10 teen boys have their hair just like this.

Well Saturday my wife Susan went and got a haircut and color.  It turned out looking pretty good, although it’s a tad short for my taste.  But I guess it doesn’t matter since it ain’t my head.  That night we were in bed doing things that married folk do….you know, she was sleeping and I was reading.  I happened to look over and instantly recoiled with shock.  Who, I asked, was this seventeen year old boy in my bed with me sporting him some Bama Bangs?  Then I slowly realized that I had had way too many vodka/tonics and this was actually my dear wife with her hair all splayed out over her forehead.  I just had to take a picture to show her later, and now I’ll share it with all of y’all.

She’s going to kill me when/if she sees this.

Six more days y’all.  Getting merry yet?  I am.  I went to Wal-Mart today to get some pizzas and ended up buying a Wii.  It’s a crazy story, although maybe not as violent as what happened to Slick when he got his.  But we had definitely NOT intended to buy one this year.  Susan wasn’t very happy I had spent that much money, but hell she spent more on her damn boy hair so she can just deal with it…right?  Anyway, I think we’ve now got the present shopping all wrapped up.  Literally and figuratively.  Hope the shoppings going well for y’all too!

Ms. Florence Jean “Flo” Castleberry….what a feisty hot mama! Y’all remember old Flo? I’ve recently began watching Alice again on this channel called Ion, a channel I didn’t even know I had. It’s on at 6:30 Central and it’s really been taking me back. My family were big time Alice watchers back in the late 70’s early 80’s, but the show just wasn’t as good once Flo moved on back to Texas and started her own (short lived) sitcom.

As I’ve been sitting in the comfort of my living room these past few evenings watching this old show in syndication I’ve suddenly realized that I’m kinda turned on by Flo. There’s something about her. I don’t know if it’s just her blatant sluttiness, sexy hairdo or angelic accent. Or maybe it’s just the way she filled out that pink waitress uniform. I can remember being a adolescent 10 year old thinking Flo was much better looking than Alice or Vera. Yep I’d have to say she’s an old school hottie. I’d love to have had some of what she was serving up!

By the way, Polly Holiday, the actress who played Flo is a native Alabamian. She’s from just up the road from me in Jasper, Alabama. She’s also a alumni of the same university I graduated from. Just a little trivia for you.

Y’all have yourselves a great weekend! TGIF Baby!

You see this?  This is how pathetic my life has been lately.  What you have here is seven “Spiral Rewards” that will enable me to get a free spiral cut ham for Christmas.  This promotion has consumed my grocery shopping existence over the past month and a half.  Every time $35 or more is spent they (Bruno’s Supermarket) give you one ticket.  When you have seven you can get a free (7-9 lb) ham.  I’ve been obsessed with getting this damn free ham people!  I bet I’ve spent over four hundred dollars just to save ten or twelve on a ham.  But you know what?  I would have spent that money anyway and I would have ended up buying a ham.  This way I get that bitch for free.  Plus it’s been kinda fun.  So yeah, we’re having ham at Chuck’s house to go along with everything else.  Any y’all want to come for Christmas dinner?

Speaking of spiral cut ham…is it just me or does anyone else think of a certain part of a woman’s anatomy when they look at one all splayed out like they are?

I know I’ve said it before, but damn….looking at this kind of puts me in mind of a sweet pink vajayjay!  Tell me you don’t see it too!

Wow, you people are like the best readers and blog buddies in the world! I put some deep thoughts out there, ask for a little advice and y’all come back like gangbusters. I tell ya, I’ve really learned a lot from everything y’allve had to say. I even had Susan read the post (she usually doesn’t read my blog because she’s afraid I’ll say something embarrassing) and she’s been keeping up with the comments too. We’ve pretty much decided to continue to let her have some time with the kids while it’ll last. Once her baby comes I seriously doubt she’ll have time for anything, much less her first born. As long as she’s acting right and doesn’t seem to be slipping off the deep end everything should be alright. We’ll reevaluate in a month or so. Again folks, thank you so much for your input. I appreciate every single one of you and what you had to say.

Well it’s Friday! This has been a pretty long week, what with catching up with work after being gone all last week, and then this worry thing about the ex. I’m seriously ready to kick back this weekend, finish up the Christmas shopping, make something hot, spicy and fattening, fart a lot and drink too much. Oh, and have some freaky sex while fantasizing about New York. Your boy Chuckie’s only had it once in the past two weeks! What up w’dat? That’s illin’, word!

Y’all have a wonderful weekend! Oh, hold up….I almost forgot. Did you hear that CBS is premiering Big Brother 9 in February instead of July? Yep, you heard that right. Thanks to the writer’s strike they’re moving up the ninth season. Now y’all know I loves me some BB! I can’t wait!

I hate it but I’ve got to bring things down a bit today. I’m really struggling with something thats been heavily on my mind lately. So, instead of posting my usual meaningless content I thought I’d get a little deep.

Y’all know I’m divorced and have full custody of my kids, right? I know there are a lot of y’all who are fairly new to my blog and you may not have gone back through the archives (uh, hello? Why haven’t you?) so let me give y’all a quick run down of the facts: At the time of my divorce (4-2-03) custody was joint, although I was awarded primary custodianship. Over the next three and a half years my ex wife did more and more outstanding things which made everyone, including my blog readers, question why she should have any contact, much less a portion of custody of the kids. During the spring and summer of 2006 she began a series of events which were the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. These events lead her to be forcefully confined to mental institutions for a couple months. When it was all said and done I pulled my pennies together, re-hired my attorney and filed for full custody with zero visitation. My petition was awarded temporarily and then was made official on December 6th (a year exactly from tomorrow). Since then things have improved. She’s still a lazy thirty-eight year old living totally off her mother’s bank account who accepts responsibility for nothing, but her moods and general mental state has seemed to get better. Mid way through this year I even began to let her have the kids over for a weekend once a month or so. Everything has seemed okay.

Now I have no doubt that she loves her children, shes just not a very good mother. In actuality she only has to be a mom literally about 2% of the time (when they are with her). The other 98% she gets to do her own thing. Be a student, be a pregnant woman with no support from the baby daddy, be whatever she wants to be. She doesn’t typically call to check on the kids. Personally it doesn’t really bother me that she doesn’t financially support them, or seem to care about their well being. I don’t really see it as her responsibility since the courts in Alabama have cut off all her legal attachment to them. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: She has no more say so in the lives of my children than some stranger I pass in the street. And she never will.

I say all this and it makes me want to take the extra step and totally enforce what the courts have mandated. I want to be selfish maybe, if that’s the right adjective, and forbid her from having lunch with my son at school or trying to see them more than once or twice a month, etc. Every once in a while she gets these wild hairs and has one of her “mom spurts” where she tries to do more than has been the norm. So I always want to flex my “sole custody” arm and forbid her from doing anything extra when she’s going through one of these times. But I’m beginning to think I might be wrong. Is it right of me to be a jerk and forbid my kids from spending more than 2% with her? She’s really put us all through hell over the past four plus years. Sometimes it’s hard to forget those bad times when things are seemingly going alright. In March of next year she’s going to have a baby that she intends to raise on her own (poor child). At that point I’m thinking her involvement with my kids will go down even more. Maybe I should let the kids have this time with her while it lasts. Oh man! I just hate having these thoughts and feeling confused. What do y’all think? Give me your honest opinion. If you think I’m being a big jerk go ahead and tell me, just give me some ideas on how to change. I’m planning on meeting with her at some point this week to discuss things. It might even be today. When I do I plan on being honest with her and actually telling her where I think she’s failing if she asks. Not that it’ll really matter. Perhaps I should look at myself first and consider ways that I could change. Yeah, this has really been on my mind lately.

Well it’s good to be back. It’s been a week since I last wrote and I’ve just been all kinds of busy. I’d like to take a moment and thank my good pal Slick Mikey for popping in with his unique brand of humor and entertainment! And Slick, for the record Julie was right in her comment. If only you’d have checked the fridge in the garage you’d have had all the beer your skinny hick ass could have handled!

It’s been a very long past week, so instead of trying to be funny or entertaining today I thought I’d provide y’all with some of the various thoughts and/or happenings that I’ve had recently…

• I was awarded at my company’s national sales meeting for achieving 117% of my yearly sales quota.
• I won $75 bowling Thursday night. I didn’t know I was any good at it.
• Yeah, I was upset over the outcome of the SEC Championship game but I’m actually glad it’s all over. I didn’t end up getting to go to the game, the tickets fell through. I’m happy I didn’t go cause it turned out I had the house to myself all weekend. Susan took the boy and they went to Tennessee to her nephew’s birthday party. My daughter spent the weekend with her best friend. Me and my dog Trooper were able to chill all weekend playing bachelors. It was nice…
• I got me one of those dvd camcorders. I can see the homemade porn happening soon!
• LSU and Ohio State in the national championship game.  Wow, this’ll be the second year in a row that OSU will have had their asses handed to them by superior football programs (Remember Florida last year?).  I’d love to see Ohio State play some actually good teams during the regular season.  Hell, if they were in the SEC playing against the talent we have here they’d probably be only 6-5.
• That new Pizza Hut double toppings and cheese deep dish pizza is pretty damn good.
• I’m reading World Without End by Ken Follett.  I got it as a birthday gift.  I’m loving it.
• Twenty-one shopping days left till Christmas.  Wow…I can’t believe this year is almost over.
• I was riding in the limo from O’hare to the resort we were staying in last week and this guy sitting beside me was updating his blog.  I looked over and noticed the Blogger dashboard on his laptop.  I was tempted to say something blogger related, but I didn’t.  We really should come up with some secret blogger handshake so we can identify each other out in public.  I wrote down his blog name so I could check it out later.  I did and it was pretty lame.
• My roommate last week, (yeah we had to have roommates), suggested I go have one of those sleep tests.  In case y’all didn’t know I’m a heavy snorer.  He said I might have that aphnea deal since I would stop breathing at times.  I reminded him that I had filled him in on the  snoring the night before and that I’d be happy to get them to change my room.  He responded that my snoring still wasn’t as bad as  his wife’s.  Wow, I’d like to meet a woman who can snore worse than me.  She’s got to be all kinds of hot!
• The previous bullet point, when reading it again, sounds kinda on the gay side.  Let me assure you there was no gayness going on!

Alright, that’s about all for now.  I’ve got a very busy week ahead of me.  I’ll try to catch up with everyone’s blogs very soon!