Montario and the boys…
Posted by Chuck on November 12th, 2007
I’ve been a full time manscaper now since around the time of my divorce. I’d read somewhere how women like not having to stare into a forest of hair when they stick their face down there, and I vowed to keep it nice and tidy. Besides, as I’ve said here before, the tree looks bigger when you trim the grass around the trunk. Not that I’m sporting a sapling or anything. I just want to be ready in case I get called to pose nude for next year’s “Hot Bodies of the Blogosphere” calendar. It could happen…
So, as I started dating a few women during the months I was single I wanted them to be impressed, in more ways than one, in what all I had going on down there. It soon became a habit. A little over a year ago I even bought one of those Norelco body groomer deals, just to make the job easier. I’d become a pro at keeping things nice and trim around Montario (yeah, that’s what I call him) and keeping the boys as bare as they day they were born.
Fast forward to this past Saturday. For some reason I had fallen down on my duties. It had probably been August since I’d last taken the blade to the crotch. For a while now I’d been walking by the mirror on my way to the shower and, glancing down at my junk, I’d mumble something like, “I’m married. Who do I need to impress?” On more than one occasion I’d just assumed I’d wait till after college football season to tackle the task. But I’d forgotten how good it feels. Without getting too graphic I’ll just say it makes the entire sex act better. From the oral at the beginning to the nut bustin’ at the end. Body parts just slap together better when there isn’t a wall of hair in between.
So this Saturday morning when Susan had gone shopping at Macy’s I broke out the razor, put a towel down on the floor on my end of the vanity, and went to work. I was shocked at the amount of hair being shorn and very happy I’d put down a towel. Can you imagine what a chore it would have been to get all that hair out from between the tiles on the bathroom floor? Once I was done I shook the towel out on the carpet in the bedroom and let the Dyson suck it all up. Let’s just say celebrating the awesome Tennessee Volunteer victory earlier in the day wasn’t the only thing that made the sex so good later that night! Guys if you’re not a groomer you don’t know what you’re missing. I’ll guarantee your woman/women/partner/hitchhiker/homeless friend/etc. will be more willing to slob your knob if you were!
In related news, I gave the bushes and hedges in the yard a final pre-winter trim yesterday…
November 12th, 2007 at 8:25 am
Dude, am I the only one that could only read the first paragraph before the rest of your blog font went to wingdings??
November 12th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
I saw the wingdings also. It was so upsetting to think that the rest of what you had written, and the mental image provoked by your few revealed words, might remain forever lost to me. Whewww, now at last ALL has been revealed AND the mental image is so revealing. Sooo good to know that Mt. Montario is bush-less.
November 12th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
What the hell is a wingding??
Taja - Thanks for your help. Looks like I corrected whatever was wrong.
Rosie - I love revealing all to you!!
November 12th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Lucky for you the Razorbacks suck this year…..
November 12th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Hahaha — I’m so glad that Ted’s a manscaper as well, but it was interesting hearing it on a play-by-play basis from the guy’s point of view:)
November 12th, 2007 at 8:59 pm
Um, wow, Chuck! I certainly know more about you now than I did before! This was a great read for a Monday evening. Thanks… I needed that! LOL
November 12th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Courtney - Actually Arkansas isn’t all that bad. They’re a decent team that got beat by a slightly more decent team!
Becky - Glad I could educate! Also it’s good that Ted appreciates his woman enough to scape for ya!
SnowWhite - You’re so welcome. Aren’t you glad you can get to know more about me?! lol
November 13th, 2007 at 12:46 am
Montario? LOL. Only you.
November 13th, 2007 at 9:34 am
Chuck
yes yes we all know you shave your pubes and sit to pee.
this has been covered.
your next post should be about your manzier, or your closet full of pink fuzzy house slippers.
November 13th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
I love the manscaping!! HUGE fan of groomed hair. Everything is so much more fun when hair isn’t an issue. YAY!! Go Chuck Go!!
You know men get brazillians. Just a thought.
November 13th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
I just knew if I kept reading there would be something in there about the Tennessee Volunteer’s. I couldn’t believe there could be a post during football season that didn’t mention them. Thanks for not dissapointing me
November 13th, 2007 at 5:56 pm
Dude, I did that as a lark back when I was about 20. The pain of the resulting stubble, and the fact that it grew in longer and thicker, cured me from ever wanting to do that again. Now, chicks with a cleanly plucked nether region can look hot as hell. Call me a hypocrit. Go ahead.
November 13th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
SoSweet - I figured you’d be the one to get the reference!
Snagley - they’re not pink….
Claudia - See, I knew the women loved it. You reading guys? Uh Brazilian? I doubt that’ll happen…lol
Cake Lady - Yep, can’t leave off the next SEC champions! (Yeah, I said it…)
FHB - Man, the trick is to keep doing it. The pain and stubble go away after the first few weeks if you maintain. Also lotion applied afterward helps too.
November 16th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
I’m a big fan of groomed men myself. Although, I’m a hypocrite who hates having to shave.
But I guess that just confirms I’m a woman, right?
November 17th, 2007 at 12:07 am
I can’t really comment since I’ve never done the deed with a “manscaper”. I will say that as a massage therapist, I do prefer a smooth back and smooth glutes to a jungle, BUT hair is much, much better to work through than stubble, and that goes for both genders! Ouch, really tears up my knuckles to do deep strokes through stubble…