I’ve been a full time manscaper now since around the time of my divorce. I’d read somewhere how women like not having to stare into a forest of hair when they stick their face down there, and I vowed to keep it nice and tidy. Besides, as I’ve said here before, the tree looks bigger when you trim the grass around the trunk. Not that I’m sporting a sapling or anything. I just want to be ready in case I get called to pose nude for next year’s “Hot Bodies of the Blogosphere” calendar. It could happen…

So, as I started dating a few women during the months I was single I wanted them to be impressed, in more ways than one, in what all I had going on down there. It soon became a habit. A little over a year ago I even bought one of those Norelco body groomer deals, just to make the job easier. I’d become a pro at keeping things nice and trim around Montario (yeah, that’s what I call him) and keeping the boys as bare as they day they were born.

Fast forward to this past Saturday. For some reason I had fallen down on my duties. It had probably been August since I’d last taken the blade to the crotch. For a while now I’d been walking by the mirror on my way to the shower and, glancing down at my junk, I’d mumble something like, “I’m married. Who do I need to impress?” On more than one occasion I’d just assumed I’d wait till after college football season to tackle the task. But I’d forgotten how good it feels. Without getting too graphic I’ll just say it makes the entire sex act better. From the oral at the beginning to the nut bustin’ at the end. Body parts just slap together better when there isn’t a wall of hair in between.

So this Saturday morning when Susan had gone shopping at Macy’s I broke out the razor, put a towel down on the floor on my end of the vanity, and went to work. I was shocked at the amount of hair being shorn and very happy I’d put down a towel. Can you imagine what a chore it would have been to get all that hair out from between the tiles on the bathroom floor? Once I was done I shook the towel out on the carpet in the bedroom and let the Dyson suck it all up. Let’s just say celebrating the awesome Tennessee Volunteer victory earlier in the day wasn’t the only thing that made the sex so good later that night! Guys if you’re not a groomer you don’t know what you’re missing. I’ll guarantee your woman/women/partner/hitchhiker/homeless friend/etc. will be more willing to slob your knob if you were!

In related news, I gave the bushes and hedges in the yard a final pre-winter trim yesterday…