Slick here…hijacking Chuckie’s blog.

I was surprised, to say the least, when Chuck asked me if I’d take over for him while he’s away in Chicago.

I flat out told him “I don’t know Chuckie. We’re buddies and all but I’d just feel a little too uncomfortable. Does she agree with this too?”

“My blog you damn idiot, I’m talking about my blog” he said….

“Oh”….

Anyway, Chuck is the only “blogger” I talk to on the phone. I tell you heathens this so you’ll realize I’m not some random manwhore that you’ve mistaken me for on my own blog.

If I were a homosexual, Chuck would have my extra house key.

For now though, I keep having to dodge answering everytime he asks for it.

Aside from all the sexual remarks, Chuckie is a helluva dude. Like myself, a true southern gentleman.

(He better touch my scrotum for this glowing endorsement)

Come on home safe and sound Chuckie!

By the way, don’t leave on a trip again without restocking the beer in your fridge, please. I’ve been thirsty the last couple of days.

Today is my birthday.  I am now thirty-nine years old.  Thirty-nine…wow, I’m getting old.  It’s so weird to think I’m pushing forty.  Where has my youth gone?  It seems like only yesterday I was twenty-four and having my first child.  Now that I think about it that’s awfully young to be having a kid.  Anyway, I’m getting old.  Mr. “Late 30’s” is on his last leg.

Tomorrow I leave for four days in Chicago.  My company is having our national sales meeting there.  Last year we were in Tuscon.  This year we’re in Chicago….in November.  Sounds nice and toasty doesn’t it. Financially I suppose we didn’t have as good a year.  Regardless I’m sure it’ll be a interesting meeting and I’ll learn a lot.  Plus I’ll get to catch up with colleagues from all over the country.  Then I return to Alabama late Friday night and leave for Atlanta (SEC Championship) on Saturday morning.

Y’all have a good week.  I’ll catch up when I can.

Way to go Tennessee Volunteers! You’ve won the SEC East and now you’ll be playing in the South Eastern Conference Championship against LSU!

I feel dang good about this game. Very good in fact. When you look at the top four teams in the east (UT, UF, UGA & UK) and the top three teams in the west (LSU, Arky, Auburn) its evident that there isn’t one team who, on a consistent basis, is any better than the other. LSU lost to Arkansas Friday night in overtime and Tennessee won against Kentucky tonight in OT. It’s gonna be a great match up and it’s looking like I’ll be there in Atlanta next Saturday night at the game. I’m so looking forward to it! Y’all come on and send up some well wishes for the Volunteers in the championship game! I’ll be most appreciative!

GO BIG ORANGE!!!

Tomorrow is the big day! I love Thanksgiving. Any day where you get off work, get to eat tons and watch football is fine in my book. My parents came into town last night and together we’re all going to convoy over to LaGrange, Georgia for an extended family get together. We’re coming back to my house Thursday evening and my sister and her boyfriend are coming in from Kentucky. My sister has to work all day tomorrow at her nursing job, and won’t get there till late, so we’re going to have another Thanksgiving meal on Friday with them. Mmmmm….all that good food, two days in a row! I’ll be in heaven!

I hope you all have a wonderful Turkey day and get to celebrate the holiday with people you love!

This is the time of the year where many of us like to reflect on all that we’re thankful for. With that being the case I suppose its a good thing they call this Thursday Thanksgiving. There are so many things that I’m particularly appreciative for, you know stuff like: family, friends, health, job security, etc. But those things are just so blah. (just kidding!) Instead I thought I’d list a few things I’m thankful for that are kinda not so common….

• A functioning penis
• Delsym cough medicine
• The Wal-Mart brand of Nyquil
• The color orange
• Chex-Mix
• Leaf blowers
• One particular warm wet hole
• “Hump Day” Wednesdays
• The University of Louisiana at Monroe…poor Bama
• USDA Choice & Prime steaks
• Buffalo Chicken Wings
• Down comforters
• Hearing the words “give you” and “blow job” used in the same sentence
• Tom Bergeron
• Having access to my kid’s grades daily on the Internet
• Sports talk radio
• Hot MILFs like Jennie Garth
• The designation “above average”
• Spicy chili on a cold day
• A fresh clean spit cup

Okay, I could seriously go on and on but I’ll stop. Y’all get the picture, dontcha? So tell me all you wonderful blog friends, (that I’m also very thankful for), what is something off the wall that you’re feeling thankful for this year?

You know, I’ve really gotten into sleeping lately. I’ve always slept fairly well, and understood the importance of a good nights sleep. But it’s only in the past few months that I’ve really started looking forward to it. Maybe it’s the extremely vivid dreams I’ve been having. I contribute them to the Chantix prescription I’ve taken for months now. The drug claims that there could be changes in dreaming and yeah, I think they’re right. At first it was weird off the wall shit, like animals talking or being chased by alligators. Now it’s real life, normal stuff….only it’s like it’s really happening. Take last night for example. I was dreaming I was shopping at Target. Normal enough, right? I pushed my buggy (or cart for those of y’all outside the South), through each department where I’d end up having a conversation with different women. At first we’d discuss prices or the quality of certain items then it would progress to topics of a more intimate nature. Each of these departmental flirt sessions would end with the particular lady accidentally brushing the back of her hand against my crotch. See, what did I tell ya…major reality, huh?

The above is not actually the true purpose of this post. I’m more interested in talking today about sleeping habits. I’ve found myself thinking about this each night as I fall asleep, so I thought I might as well go ahead and blog about it. Y’all want to hear about how your old buddy Chuck falls asleep, right?

Here’s how I do it. And remember, this is my system. I do it like this every night. Once I’ve resigned to go to sleep I’ll first turn down the television or shut down the lap top, or down the vodka….which ever is my last downing activity of the night. I’ll then start out on my back for about five to ten minutes. I then turn onto my left side for the same amount of time, give or take, with legs bent making sure my junk is out from between them. After this I flip over onto my stomach with one or both of my arms under my pillow. This is where I’ll usually nod off. If not I’ll then turn onto my right side for the five or ten, then onto my back and I’ll start the process all over again. I’ve done it like this for years. Am I weird? Should I be turning clockwise? What does this say about me?

How about you? How do you drift off?

I’ve been a full time manscaper now since around the time of my divorce. I’d read somewhere how women like not having to stare into a forest of hair when they stick their face down there, and I vowed to keep it nice and tidy. Besides, as I’ve said here before, the tree looks bigger when you trim the grass around the trunk. Not that I’m sporting a sapling or anything. I just want to be ready in case I get called to pose nude for next year’s “Hot Bodies of the Blogosphere” calendar. It could happen…

So, as I started dating a few women during the months I was single I wanted them to be impressed, in more ways than one, in what all I had going on down there. It soon became a habit. A little over a year ago I even bought one of those Norelco body groomer deals, just to make the job easier. I’d become a pro at keeping things nice and trim around Montario (yeah, that’s what I call him) and keeping the boys as bare as they day they were born.

Fast forward to this past Saturday. For some reason I had fallen down on my duties. It had probably been August since I’d last taken the blade to the crotch. For a while now I’d been walking by the mirror on my way to the shower and, glancing down at my junk, I’d mumble something like, “I’m married. Who do I need to impress?” On more than one occasion I’d just assumed I’d wait till after college football season to tackle the task. But I’d forgotten how good it feels. Without getting too graphic I’ll just say it makes the entire sex act better. From the oral at the beginning to the nut bustin’ at the end. Body parts just slap together better when there isn’t a wall of hair in between.

So this Saturday morning when Susan had gone shopping at Macy’s I broke out the razor, put a towel down on the floor on my end of the vanity, and went to work. I was shocked at the amount of hair being shorn and very happy I’d put down a towel. Can you imagine what a chore it would have been to get all that hair out from between the tiles on the bathroom floor? Once I was done I shook the towel out on the carpet in the bedroom and let the Dyson suck it all up. Let’s just say celebrating the awesome Tennessee Volunteer victory earlier in the day wasn’t the only thing that made the sex so good later that night! Guys if you’re not a groomer you don’t know what you’re missing. I’ll guarantee your woman/women/partner/hitchhiker/homeless friend/etc. will be more willing to slob your knob if you were!

In related news, I gave the bushes and hedges in the yard a final pre-winter trim yesterday…

Yep, I’m ready for basketball! At least one ESPN “expert” has chosen the Tennessee Vols to win the national championship! It’s gonna be a good season, for both the men’s and the womenfolk’s team. I can feel it deep down in my bone. Reckon you can guess which one?

That’s the UT head coach, Bruce Pearl, there with the “V” on his chest.

All that aside, basketball isn’t the total reason for this post. I’m actually wanting to let all you peeps know I’ll be gone the rest of the week, pimpin’ my wares to the public. I’ll be on the road each and everyday (through Friday), so don’t expect to hear back from me before early next week. I hope to get a chance or two to check a few of y’all out at night, but don’t count on it. It’s gonna be a long one I tell ya, and I’m already looking forward to Friday around 5 when it’s all over. Then I plan on heading up to Knoxville for the game. So, until I blog at ya again, y’all be good!

Check this out. It’s an actual ad from the Birmingham News November 1977. I found it on one of my favorite history sites, Birmingham Rewound. I can’t imagine there were many families who could afford to shell out a grand for one of these early VCR’s. It was ‘84 or ‘85 before my dad brought one home to my family. I want to say he paid over $400 for it then. It was a lot of money, but it sure was worth it to be able to tape all those movies on HBO. It was the early days of having your own video collection. Good times! Now I don’t even own a VCR and I haven’t since my divorce four and a half years ago. But we got plenty of DVD players. I’m typing on one of them now. Funny how times and technology change. I wonder if, one day, we’ll look back on the TiVo like we do this early VCR ad and reminisce?