*Wednesday night edit added to the bottom of this post.*

What is it about a good blow job that so many women have a problem? I’ve posted about this subject many times before. This morning I’ve just got to put it out there one more time. Now granted I’ve never done it, but is sucking on a cock really so hard? Hell, I’ve watched enough porn, and been on the receiving end of a decent amount of good head that, if I had the inclination, I think I could do a better job then 30% of the women in America. (Let me reinforce here that I’d rather shove a two by four up my pee hole than suck a dick, but hey….I’m just trying to make a point.) So, what’s up ladies? You know you want to worship at the alter of the cock, right? You want your man to feel like you think sucking on his wang is the next best thing to winning a $5000 shopping spree to Big Lot’s. I mean it’s not like it’s something you do everyday. (If it is something you do everyday, email me and I’ll give you my address.) It’s an ever so often special treat for your man.

Your boy Chuck here gets his knob slobbed on occasion, although it’s rare that I get the full oral attention. It’s usually just a quick act performed to get the subject up to it’s massive capacity, in preparation for intercourse. Kinda like a pep rally before the big game. You remember those pep rallies, right? It’s Friday afternoon and the whole high school has gathered in the gym. The band is there, the cheerleaders are cheering and the football team busts through a paper made wall over in the corner. Everyone gets pumped up and then later that night the team kicks the ass of the cross town rival. That’s what I get…pep rally blow jobs. (okay that sounds illegal, but you get the drift, right?)

My wife, bless her heart, tries. She’s just not a oral kind of girl. I’ve tried to change her, and to her credit, she’s tried to change. I think she just forgets her “lessons” from blow job to blow job. Now y’all know I’m very accommodating. When, in the past, she’s said how she hates getting long hairs in her mouth I’ve taken up a rigorous manscaping initiative. When she makes the comment that she doesn’t want to suck on my balls because they smell like my ass, I’m always sure to wash…with soap…and scrub the sack and the ass. See? I make every effort. Monday night, for example, she decided to give lil’Chuckie some sloberific attention. A couple minutes into it I found her sucking on the head while having both her hands wrapped around the shaft. Said hands weren’t moving. I reached down, placed my hand over her hands and motioned them up and down. I mean, if she’s going to suck on my head only she could at least jack the shaft with her two hands. That’s like lesson one of Blow Job 101, right? Then a while later she made attempts to slurp up and down the whole shaft. Keep in mind two things; Susan has a bad gag reflex, and I’ve got a bit more hanging than four inches. Anyone with a bad gag reflex doesn’t need to be trying to deep throat. I’m not all that into the deep throat anyway. Especially when I have to look down and watch my woman gag back vomit while she’s hovered over my crotch. The other thing that concerns me is the lack of attention of the boys. I spend time, and shed blood, to keep my low hanging nut hammock free from all hair. I do this not because I like finding random blood smears in my boxers the day after shaving, but because I don’t want her to come up with those long ball hairs (you know how long they can get) slipping down her throat. The sounds of hacking and gagging are enough for me to want to shave them daily. All I want her to do is lean down, take one hand and jack my cock, then take her mouth down further and suck on the boys. I like to hear that “plop” as each of my gravy makers exit her mouth. Hell, I’ll do my own jacking if she needs to focus all her attention the boys. Can y’all tell I’m wanting some good oral action, and I’m wanting my wife to expedite her skills forth haste?

Okay, here’s the deal. Susan has a very good friend who is a young gay man. We’ve drank and eaten with this guy in the past. He’s an all ’round good guy. The advantage I see to his and her friendship is purely academic. It’s well known that a gay guy can suck a dick better than any woman, and a gay woman can carpet munch better than any man. They know what needs to be done to get their partner over the edge. Hell y’all, these people take pride in this shit. So, should I suggest to her that she get her gay friend to teach her the tricks? Maybe using a banana or something similar. Practice does make perfect. Now that she’s gone from a full time bread winner to nothing, nada, I think it would behoove her to brush up on her BJ skillz. Last Friday, when we learned what my bonus was going to be I told her that she should give me a BJ for every unexpected dollar I brought in incrementally. It’d be a good bit over 22,000 blow jobs! She laughed then leaned down and started her “head sucking” routine.

Come on readers! Give me some advice, some input on how to turn my wife in to a blow job seductress. I think she’s got it in her, I just need to find a way to let that side of her out. I look forward to reading what you think on this subject. It’s got to be true, as in other things, that constant practice brings on the A game.

As I await your comments I’ll remind you that she and I are heading out of town later this morning. We’ll be traveling to Orange Beach, Alabama and then to Pensacola, Florida. I know, primarily because she’s already told me, that we’ll be getting our “sexy time” on both nights. I’m hoping I’ll be able to read here in my comments some new and valuable suggestions that I can bring into the bedroom later each evening. I’ll keep y’all informed on how it all turns out.

Have a great Wednesday and Thursday!

EDIT: We’re here at the beach and I’ve posted an update on tonight’s activities in the comments. Just scroll down if you’d like to read, and look for my second comment in bold font.