This is a bit on the long side, but go ahead and read it all….you know you wanna!

Howdy friends and neighbors! I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. Boy, did I ever! As most of you know, I spent the Memorial Day weekend with Julie and her family at their home in Texas. It was one of those memory making experiences. She already wrote about it here, but I wanted to chime in and give y’all my two cents worth.

I took Friday off and headed out on the drive pretty early. I made the 500 plus miles in good time and arrived around 2pm. It was wonderful seeing my Julie again after so long! Her husband Paul was in the pool with the kids, so she took me in and gave me the tour of her lovely home. After a bit she and I headed out to do some shopping. At Wal-Mart we saw several people who were friends or acquaintances of she and her family. I’m sure the sight of her with some good looking/sexy stranger caused some minds to wonder and some tongues to wagging around town! Our next stop was the liqueur store, and boy did we load up.

Yadda, yadda, yadda….later that night we totally got our drink on and once the kids were in bed, the really wild times began. I can’t remember now who suggested it, either Julie or Paul, but we eventually ended up naked and in their pool. Now it’s been a while since I’ve skinny dipped, and I can’t ever actually say I’ve done it by myself with a man and his wife. It was an interesting experience. Much craziness took place…J&P got in the pool before I, so it was left to me to make the trek out to the pool all alone and completely naked. I must say I felt a bit shy having two sets of eyes on me the whole way to the pool. One set looked on in envy and the other in lust…I’ll leave it to you to decide which were which! We swam around a bit and took a few pictures. Julie posted this one on her blog, that’s me at the top, but the others are too explicit to share. After all this is a family blog!

As we swam around Julie got up on a raft and lay there on her back, spread eagle. At some point Paul, as he was pushing her around on the raft, dumped her over the side and she crashed four feet to the ground. Thankfully she wasn’t hurt, but damn was it funny as hell! She, of course, was mad and embarrassed and stormed off into the house. He and I stood there continuing to laugh, until we realized we were naked and standing real close….yeah, we promptly stepped away from one another. Anyway, she didn’t hurt anything but her pride and soon rejoined us out at the pool. Another thirty minutes of grab ass/underwater fondling later, and we retired to their back porch for more drinking. It was soon after this that Niagra Falls let loose. Only instead of water, this water fall was pure vomit. Luckily it happened in their bathroom so I didn’t have to witness it!

Saturday we pretty much lounged around the house till the late afternoon. Around 4 we left and drove out to a catfish joint on a lake. It was some hella good food! Between J&P, me and their daughters, we scarfed down a medium sized school of fish. It was most excellent (sorry, watched Bill and Ted today), and we drove home very full and lethargic. That evening Julie and I went out to rent some movies and buy some more food and liqueur.
Sunday my boy, P-Dog, started the smoker early in the a.m. and cooked some awesome brisket all day long. A side story, on my way into town on Friday I was listening to the radio and heard a commercial for Kroger. The ad advertised the fact that Kroger had brisket on sale for .99 cents a pound. Luckily I was able to inform the QoP’s and they ended up buying like 48 pounds of meat for, yes you guessed it, forty eight dollars. It’s quite an accomplishment, don’t you think? Their deep freeze is quite full now. Anyway…Paul cooked the brisket, then later he smoked a couple chickens, without rolling papers. Meanwhile, in Julie’s kitchen, I cooked pinto beans and a pot of collard greens. Yep, I brought a little bit of Alabama to East Texas!! I even enlisted their middle daughter to help me in the “washing of the greens” which all good Southerners, or Soul Food connoisseurs, know is vital to the preparation.

The meal was excellent. The brisket and chicken were mouth watering. We sat on the couch and ate, and ate and ate. Oh yeah, I forgot….during all this we were watching the NASCAR race. In case you’re like most people and have no idea what NASCAR is, I’ll be happy to let you know. It has something to do with cars, drivers, rednecks, race tracks, sponsors, rednecks, beer, titties, gay men named Junior and Gordon, Coca-Cola and white trash. Anyway, it was the first whole race, (I actually sat through about 80%), that I had ever watched. Some dude named Kanye won…I’m thinking he’s a rapper on his days off. It was a ground breaking experience and I owe it all to J&P.

There is something I should mention here…something I’m not too proud of. After we had eaten the enormous meal we all were a bit of the drowsy side. I was actually experiencing a few stomach pains from all the meat, beans and greens I had eaten. Somewhere around lap 4000 of the race I unbuttoned my shorts and slipped down my zipper. I felt the urge to let the gut out to relax a bit….I’m sure there are a few of you, who may still be reading, who understand what I’m saying. Imagine if you will….Thanksgiving, around 4pm…you’ve just eaten enough food to support a family of 18 in a third world country. You feel the button straining…and the cramps are beginning to rear their ugly head. So you’re with me, right? Well, I had unbuttoned and unzipped and soon J&P and I had fallen asleep on their sectional couch. Paul was reclined on one end, I was reclined on the other, and Julie was asleep in the middle. (Yeah, we’re old…it’s pathetic…) After about thirty minutes we woke up and I suddenly felt the urge to take a piss. I inclined the recliner and stood up, turned to walk away and my shorts fell down to my ankles. I should also point out that I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Had we not have had the “skinny dipping” experience this could have been a bit on the awkward side. So I bent over to pull up my shorts and gave Julie, who was laying with her head toward me, a memorable view of my spread ass, nut sack and elephant trunk….yeah, I’m sure you get the picture. Unfortunately for you, there wasn’t a camera handy! The whole experience was quite funny, as I’m sure you can imagine.

So all in all it was a wonderful weekend. I haven’t had so much fun in a very long time. I had a great time with all five of the Pinks. I especially enjoyed getting to know the three Julie Spawn. They came to know me as “Uncle Chuck” and I love ‘em like my own kids. They are all super smart children, and could possibly be a chip off the old maternal block…but if you look real close you might see they’re more Paul than Julie!

I want to take a moment to thank them all for having me, and for showing me such great hospitality. I’m looking forward to Julie’s visit to my house, sometime this Summer, and my eventual return visit to Texas. Maybe I’ll even take my wife with me the next time….

Before I close…I thought y’all might want to see a picture of us together. This was taken on Sunday night, after Julie had invited two of her girlfriends over to party. It’s me, Paul, Julie and her friends….and it’s definitely not SFW. Click here to see the pic….LOL

Thanks for reading. I’ll blog at y’all later….

Yes Mr. Hicks you sure do!

I’ve been behind you from the beginning!

How about another American Idol from the great city of Birmingham, Alabama!! We here in da’Ham are hella proud of our boy Taylor. Damn, what a finale show….all the special singing guests…Prince even! At the moment of truth, when the winner was announced; me, my daughter, my dog Trooper, my son and Susan were holding hands/paws and standing in the middle of the living room awaiting the result. And then it was announced….we commenced screaming, celebrating and I actually shed a couple tears. Yeah, I did….and I’m man enough to confess it. You’ve got to admit, Taylor is awesome!! I’m fixing to go online and buy tickets to the American Idol tour for when it comes to Birmingham in August. I’ll be there with bells on.

Okay, so I had to come out of semi retirement and post about this special evening. Folks, I’m not going to be gone for good. I’m just needing to take a little break. Y’all don’t give up on me, okay?

Have a great Memorial Day weekend! I’m heading out of town Friday morning for an extra special four day weekend with some extra special friends. More details, and pics, later….

Alabama, the home of American Idols. Yeah, after Ruben, Bo and now Taylor I think they need to change to state motto….

Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past two weeks and I’ve come to the conclusion that my break from blogging must continue. How long? I’m not sure. Will it be forever? Who knows. All I do know, as of now, is that all things blog related must be shelved for the time being. I didn’t want to disappear and leave you all wondering where I’d gone. I will try to get around to your blogs when I can and leave a comment, and maybe some day I’ll pick back up here. Until that day happens I wish you all, (you regular readers and friends of mine), well.

Well folks I’m on the third day of my travels. I’m sitting here in a lovely three room suite with a whirlpool tub big enough for three. I know this for a fact because a couple years ago I stayed here and happened to meet two young ladies from the hotel bar who happened to come up to my room to test out this theory. Of course it was done all in the spirit of experimentation. Nothing happened between me and the lovely, sexy and busty blonde chicks……right?

Anyway, I know I said on Monday that I would be away for a while but the results from last nights American Idol show forced me from my hiatus. So Chris….did you have a bad day or what? Man that was a shocker, huh? Actually it wasn’t. If you follow the phone and text vote results on this website and this one, you can pretty much be sure who’s going to go home every week. They’ve been right all but like one or two weeks so far. They’ve even chosen the bottom two or three pretty accurately each week. I tell ya, my boy Taylor is kicking some AI bootay! Once Kat goes home next week it’ll be an easy finish for T-dog versus Elliot.

He’ll be in town (Birmingham) this Friday making appearances at the Fox television station as well as the radio stations where my wife works. She’s already been invited to attend his live on air concert Friday morning at 6am, and I told her she better get me an autograph! One of Taylor’s best buds from high school and college is also a friend of Susan’s. So possibly she’ll have somewhat of an inside track. Although I doubt it. Maybe I could get a picture of him wearing this shirt. Isn’t that hella cool? Yeah that Pixie chick rocks! She designed it. Y’all start taking your orders now….I’m sure the price will be reasonable! Thanks Pixie!!

Okay, I’m back to business. I’ve got one day of food shows down and two more to go. Then Susan and I are taking a relaxing four day romp on Florida’s beautiful sugar sand beaches. Don’t you wish you were here?

Later.

Happy Monday all. I thought I should update and let you all know that my hiatus is going to be extended for a while. I leave tomorrow, Tuesday, for a nine day trip. To be totally honest with you all, I’m not too clear as to the future of my blog. The next week or so will tell. Work and home obligations have taken the front seat lately, as they should, and I’ve found myself gradually losing interest in the Blogosphere. It’s hard to believe, after almost two years, but it’s true. We’ll see what happens. Meanwhile I hope you all are doing well. I’ll update again, when I can, and let you know what’s going on.

Take care.

As y’all know I’m busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest this week. I’m going out of town later today to Dothan, Alabama for an all day meeting on Friday. I didn’t plan on posting anything again this week until I heard about Bo Snagley’s post from the other day. It seems he re-posted his, misguided, tale about the time he and I met The Alligator. So that those of you who read his version would know the real story, I also decided to re-post mine. I originally wrote this in three parts last June. First, let me give you a little back story…

Last Spring I wrote about nine posts detailing all I went through with my divorce, as well as my meeting and eventual marriage of Susan. I called them The Divorce Chronicles. Each time I’d post a new installment old Snagley would leave a comment asking, “When you going to tell about the alligator?” Well, eventually I got tired of his bitching and moaning and I composed the three part story I offer again to you here today. He quickly followed up with his “version”.

If you have the time feel free to click on the following links and read the story. It’s quite entertaining; complete with colorful country folk, flatulence, mystery and SEX! I won’t be posting again till Monday so if you don’t have time to read it all today, y’all just come on back and check it out over the weekend! It’s too bad the comments aren’t there anymore….there were definitely some good’uns!!

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Have a good rest of the week and weekend!

Sorry I wasn’t around yesterday, but I’ve been busy!! This week isn’t going to be an easy one, so I thought I’d give y’all the heads up that I might not be posting again for a few days. Hopefully things will settle down a bit and I can update you on the excitement that is my life by weeks end, but who knows. In the meantime I hope you all have a super week!

P.S. Go check out that beer belly link in the side bar….it’s my new favorite toy!