What’s “Up Chuck”?

I’ve been vomiting forth the excitement that is my life….Since July 2004

Archive for April, 2006

Chuck The Tour Gulde…

Posted by Chuck on 28th April 2006

As most of you know I’ve been working in Mobile, Alabama this week, although I’m home now. It was a productive business trip during the day, and a hella fun time in the evenings! As is normally the case on my travels I made some great new friends in Mobile (big shout out to Ed, Homer, et al). I hit the town, and hit it pretty hard, with those guys (and several others) last night and had a blast! I’m looking forward to my next trip in another month or so. Wednesday night dollar margaritas….I’m there!

Well since Chickie suggested it, and I since I mentioned it in my lame ass audio post yesterday, I thought I’d post some pictures I took when I toured the USS Alabama and USS Drum. So sit back and let Chuck be your tour guide! And try not to fall asleep at your desk…

It rained all morning long on Wednesday and I was really worried I wouldn’t be able to visit the Naval exhibt, but luckily around 1pm the skies began to clear and I took a little time from work to head toward the ships. Here I am driving west on I-10 towards downtown Mobile. See the skyline in the far distance?

I began the tour and was amazed at how huge the battleship is. I walked all around the deck, checking out the guns (small, big and HUGE), then headed below decks to look around. Everything is pretty much restored to appear exactly as it did during World War II, when the 2500 plus crew was out in the Pacific kicking some Japanese ass.





Being the way I am I couldn’t help but take a couple pictures of the enlisted men’s head, including the urinals and shitters. Luckily it wasn’t stinking, but I can imagine it would back in the day.


After the battleship I walked over to check out the submarine USS Drum and along the way I passed a group of planes and fighter jets. As you can see in this pic, if you click to enlarge, most of them look like they’ve been through a war zone. Well that’s a fairly accurate assessment. They’re heavily damaged not from war, but from Hurricane Katrina. It’s really a shame.

Here is the sub, torpedo room and bridge. It was a bit claustrophobic. I can’t imagine living on one of those things for months at a time.



An even bigger problem I had was trying to fit my 6′5″ frame through the hatches. I couldn’t imagine being in a war time situation, scrambling to battle stations and trying to hurry through a hatch and being yelled at from behind, “Hey man move your fat ass!”

Well folks, there you go. I hope it’s been very educational for you all. I’ve got a big day of catch up with admin crap for work, so I better close this out. Y’all have a great weekend! Talk to you next week.

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Posted by Chuck on 27th April 2006

this is an audio post - click to play

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Boring Post From The Road….

Posted by Chuck on 26th April 2006


Once again your good buddy Chuck is out of town and writing from a lovely hotel room in Mobile, Alabama. It’s been a very long day! I left home around 10:00 this morning and all was well till about 35 miles outside of Mobile when the rain started. It wasn’t your usual rain storm, it was hellacious. It was one of those down pours that even the high setting on the windshield wipers wouldn’t handle. The rain hitting the hot interstate created a hella amount of steam. It was like driving in a snow storm white out. Luckily I made it here safely….obviously. Thanks for being all worried for me and shit.

So, y’all remember the last time I was down here and I made friends at a nearby restaurant? Well the same thing happened tonight, only it was a different restaurant in a entirely different part of the city. Last night I went to the local Ruby Tuesday and sat my ass down at the bar, as I often do, and within a few minutes I was chatting up several people sitting around me including the female bartender. After about thirty minutes a guy came and sat down next to me and in no time he and I quickly became buddies. As the beer and shots flowed we talked more and more about all kinds of crap. I learned that he is a architect who works on historical building renovations and he learned that I’m a big American Idol fan. After our third Soco and Lime shot I crossed that proverbial line and told him all about my blog. I even wrote down the address for him and was sure to mention the HNT links on the sidebar. As I write this now, sober, I’m wondering if that was such a good idea…Anyway….Ed my friend from Mobile….if you’re reading this, I had a great time talking with you last night. Next time I’m in town we’ll have to do it again!

Today I have to work with a customer, but I’m hoping to be able to knock off a bit early because I intend to tour the USS Alabama and take some pictures. I also plan on going downtown and taking some pics of some of the beautiful old buildings. If I do I’ll be sure to post them here on my blog. Aren’t you all kinds of excited? Stay tuned boys and girls….it’s sure to be a edge of your seat blogging experience! Till then, here’s a picture of the room I’m staying in at this very moment.


Pretty exciting, right? Y’all have a great Wednesday. I plan on hitting the town pretty late tonight, so I probably won’t be posting again till Friday. Then again, maybe I’ll do an audio post at some point on the drive home on Thursday….we’ll see….Later!

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The Chuck Quiz….

Posted by Chuck on 24th April 2006

I’ve been trying to post this for almost six hours now…Blogger has been a bitch this morning!

Since everybody and their brother has created one of these, I thought I’d join the bandwagon…

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

Go ahead, see how well you know your old buddy Chuck. This should be good….

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What I did on my Florida Easter Vacation

Posted by Chuck on 21st April 2006

By: Chuck
Second Grade
Mrs. Harris’ class

Well let’s see, where to begin? I know you’re all wanting to read the juicy sexy stuff, so I guess I’ll start with that. Here is a picture of two young chicks who were laying out next to Susan and I on the first day.


Over the four or five hours I shared a space on the deck with them, we all got to know one another pretty well. Early in the afternoon Susan went up to the room to shower and nap and I, fueled with alcohol, decided to stay and continue to get to know them. Every time the drink girl would walk by I’d buy them pina coladas which would cause them to want to learn more and more about your boy Chuckie. They were both college Seniors from Georgia, at least that’s what they said, and I think they even might have been a little sweet on each other. Several times they’d take turns rubbing suntan oil on the other and it took all I could do to not offer to give them a hand. Especially when the one in black was rubbing the inner thigh of the blonde. I swear she got within a half inch of the honeypot. Yeah, I was sporting some major wood. Every ten minutes or so I’d remember that I was a dad, and that I was 37 years old, and that I had a wife up in the hotel room. That would help the swelling go down! They did invite me out for drinks and dancing that evening, but alas I had to decline.

On the second day we actually started off down at the beach, then moved up to the pools later. Here is a view from the sand looking back up at the hotel and pool areas.


We rented a couple of the chairs and umbrella (that’s ours on the far left, chairs pulled out facing East) and after about an hour or so a couple with two kids took up space three umbrellas down from ours. The were definitely Eastern European, based on their foreign speaking, and the fact they had no issue with public nudity. At first it was kinda cute, nothing odd, especially when they stripped the little ones down and dressed them in bathing suits. It got weirder when the father stood up, didn’t even take a look around to see if anyone was looking, and stripped out of his Bermuda shorts, standing there naked from the waist down. He then paused for a second to flop his cock and balls around, maybe to air them out or something…then bent over, ass facing us of course and pulled on a red and yellow Speedo. It was freaking hilarious! It got better though when the wife took off her t-shirt and bra and put on a bikini top. She had some nice milk bags…from the size of ‘em she must have still been breast feeding! I wish I’d been brave enough to pull out the camera and snap some pictures, but Susan wouldn’t let me. It’s a shame. I should have walked over and introduced myself. Mr. Speedo could have definitely used some advice on manscaping. Dude had more hair on his crotch than he did on his head.

Our hotel room was what they call a Junior Suite. It was basically three rooms; a small area with bunk beds, a dressing area/bathroom, and a large room with king sized bed, couch, table and chairs. Then there was the balcony. We were on the fifteenth floor. Here’s a couple pictures looking out from our balcony.



It was hard to find some time for Susan and I to be alone as man and wife, so to speak, without the kids being around. The kids were always keyed up and raring to go. They wouldn’t want to go to sleep till really late. Usually by then Susan and I would be too tired to kiss good night, much less knock one out. But we did find the time, on the last night, to get a little freaky. My son was asleep and my daughter T was busy reading on the bottom bunk. I told her that Susan and I were going to go out on the balcony and smoke and talk for a while. She looked up sleepily and said good night. The wife and I slipped out on the balcony, closed the sliding glass door and drapes and started making out. Within a minute we’d stripped out of boxers and panties and I had her hold on to the railing, leaning over, while I kissed her back and neck and fingered her from behind. At first she was a bit scared. Not just from the possibility of being seen, but also from being so far up from the ground. I put on my best salesman voice and assured her that everything would be okay, it would be exciting actually. I leaned her back over the railing (notice the rail in the picture above) and slipped inside her, but I didn’t pound too hard. It would have been such a tragedy if my hard doggie style thrusts were to force us to break the railing and fall fifteen floors to our death. That would have been an embarrassing crime scene…no doubt. All turned out well though and she admitted the orgasm was pretty intense. I’m guessing that was due to looking down from so far up, and the exhibitionism of it all. Surely it had nothing to do with lil’Chuck and my lovin’ skills!!

A funny thing did happen while my daughter T and I were standing in the ocean. You may remember that she recently became a woman and got her first period. Well, we were standing there in the water and I was telling her about how, if she needed to pee, she should just walk out into the water about waist deep and let it go. It would be a lot easier than trekking all the way back up to the hotel restrooms. She stood there a minute contemplating the information then asked, “What if a little blood squirted out, since I got my period, and the blood attracts sharks?” I don’t have to tell you how hard that made me laugh! We both laughed about it for a good while. Later, once we were back in the water, I said…in all seriousness, “You know there is a certain breed of shark that is attracted only to menstrual blood.” Luckily she’s still gullible enough to believe me. Don’t worry, I told her it was a joke.

Well, that’s pretty much all I feel like going into detail about now. We had a wonderful time. Like I said last week…it was the first time, since Susan and I have been married, that we’d taken an actual vacation with the kids. We may have spent a shit load of money, but it was worth it! I’m looking forward to the next time.

Have a great weekend everyone!

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The Perfect Woman…

Posted by Chuck on 20th April 2006

What’s perfect about her you ask? Well….she won’t talk back (queefs don’t count), you can share her with three of your friends, when she’s on the rag you still have another end to have fun with (wait, that’s the case with a chick with a mouth too…), she won’t spend your hard earned money, when she lays around the house all day it’s totally acceptable, you don’t have to take her out anywhere unless you want to and she can’t get a lousy haircut so you don’t have to worry about acting like you like it. Can you think of any other advantages?

In other news….here’s Kelly Pickler’s prom picture. I’m thinking she’s “not that innocent!” Yeah, I’d pick Pickler….for a one night stand. I’m thinking she’d be a pretty cheap date…in more ways than one! I bet some North Carolina sixteen year old redneck punk had a fun time with her the night this picture was taken. Nice yard Kelly. It looks like your Grandpa needs to mow some of that there grass behind you.

Yeah, y’all’ve probably already seen both these pictures but I hadn’t until yesterday. Seeing as I still haven’t downloaded my pictures for the vacation post I thought I’d make an attempt to entertain you with something else. Hopefully it worked.

Easter Family Vacation Post tomorrow…..I promise…(fingers crossed)…Later!

P.S. Hey ladies…no offense, okay? ;)

P.S.S. Glad to see Ace leave last night. Now that he’s gone Paris, Elliot and Chris will follow. We’ll be seeing Taylor and Katharine as the final two. Mark my words! Unfortunately my satellite went out twenty minutes into the show, damn thunder storms, but luckily I was able to do a Blogger search and find the results on Brigitte’s blog. Thanks girl!

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If you want my body, and you think I’m sexy….

Posted by Chuck on 19th April 2006

Hello everyone! Sorry I didn’t get a chance to post yesterday. We got back from vacation Monday evening and then I was slammed all day Tuesday with work. I never had more than ten minutes yesterday to myself. Missing Friday and Monday really put me behind, but I will post about the trip soon. Thanks for all the comments on my Easter post. I hope you all had a good holiday weekend. We sure did!

I intend to post very soon (possibly tomorrow - but don’t hold me to it) about our family four day weekend on the Florida Gulf Coast. I’ve got pictures to share and tales to regale you with. Just give me a day or so and I’ll get right to it. As a teaser you can looking forward to discussions on the following subjects; random full frontal nakedness, boobs flashed in public, urinating in the ocean, painful sunburns, zombies eating human brains, pounds and pounds of crab legs and penile contortions.

Meanwhile, did y’all watch American Idol last night? There were some pretty damn good performances. I of course thought The Soul Man, Taylor Hicks, did great….but what about Ms. Katharine McNiceAss? She was smokin’! She was definitely the best out of the six. So who do you think is going to be in the bottom three tonight? Who do you think will be going home? I say it’ll be Ace and Kelly in the bottom, then I’m mixed on the third. It’ll be either Paris or Elliot. I’m thinking Ace will be saying “bye-bye” tonight.

It was also good to see Rod Stewart last night on A.I. and his big tittied girlfriend and their new baby. Do any of y’all remember the story about Rod from back in the early 80’s where he had to have his stomach pumped from swallowing too much man juice? I was telling Susan about that last night, but can’t remember if it was real or just one of those urban legends. Whatever the case, the man has an awesome voice and he’s had some sexy wives/girlfriends!

Alright kids, this is it for today. I have another busy day with work and I have to find some time today to go register my son for kindergarten. I can’t believe my baby will actually be going to “big boy school” in four months. Where has the time gone?

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Here Comes Peter Cotton………D’oh!!!

Posted by Chuck on 14th April 2006

This is the last you’ll hear from me till next Tuesday, at the earliest, and I wanted to wish you all a Happy Easter! We’re fixing to head off for our four day vacation down in Destin, Florida. I don’t suppose I have to express again here how excited I am. I have a feeling this is going to be a great family get-a-way. It’s been a while since we’ve had to worry about the “sex with kids sleeping near by” thing, but thankfully we’ll have a two room suite and the kids will be in bunk beds in the other room. I’m also hoping for a little “sex on the beach” action. I think my twelve year old might have to watch a DVD with her brother while Susan and I slip down to the moonlit beach, with a blanket for a little one on one time. Don’t worry, we won’t leave them alone for long…hell, it only takes me five minutes after all! LOL

Once I’m back I’ll regale you all with tales of our adventures. Maybe I’ll even snap a few anonymous bikini pics while laying around on the beach. Wouldn’t that be exciting? Is it just me, or do other guys (and maybe a few girls) like to see those voyeur pics of unsuspecting chicks walking or laying on the hot sand? Maybe it is just me….I am a perv after all!

Before I go I thought I’d present for you a special Easter picture. Since it’s NSFW I have it on my picture site. It’s a picture of me, pre-op. I hope you enjoy!!

HAPPY EASTER WEEKEND!!

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Home Again, Vacations and Becoming a Woman…

Posted by Chuck on 12th April 2006

It’s good to be home again. I’m swamped with work today, trying to catch up thanks to two and a half days out of the office. I got home yesterday just in time to get my son dressed in his soccer gear and head off to have individual and team pictures made, then to play a make up game missed from Saturday, due to the rain. We made it back home in time to order pizza and watch American Idol. Taylor and Chris were certainly the stand outs last night. I certainly don’t think they have anything to worry about for tonight. Who do you think might be going home? I can see Ace and Paris in the bottom three. Not sure about a third person though.

Ah, bring on the relaxation! We’re leaving on Friday for four days chillin’ in Destin, Florida. I’m really looking forward to it. This will actually be the first vacation, as short as it may be, that Susan and I have taken with the kids in the two and a half years we’ve been married. We’ve taken many vacation trips together, as documented on this blog (beach trips/cruises to Cozumel/Banff, Canada - where I was sexually molested by a ghost), but never as a family. It should be a blast! I can’t wait to lay in the sun, swim, drink fruity drinks, play with the kids in the pool and eat a truck load of fresh seafood. Yeah, I’m ready to leave now!

There was a monumental event that happened in the life of the Chuck family this past Saturday. I was in the master bathroom wrapping up a very satisfying bowel evacuation when I head my 12 year old daughter yell from upstairs, “Hey can someone bring me a pad!” A pad? Hmmm, that can mean only one thing! Someone just took her first big step into adulthood. I finished things up and followed Susan up the stairs to investigate the excitement. Susan went into the bathroom to help my daughter with her menstrual materials and I stood outside the closed door singing the Neil Diamond song, “Girl you’ll be a woman soon”. It was one of those classic moments. She was embarrassed and excited, and I was sure to rib her about it all day. I made her call my Mom, my sister and various other family members and share the good news. Susan gave her the same advice her mom had given her when she first started, “Remember…sticky side down”. I threatened to hang a banner up outside the house to announce to the neighbors that T was now a woman. She didn’t like that idea, but I did have her write on a piece of printer paper, in red magic marker, “I got my period - April 8, 2006″ and then I took several pictures of her holding up the sign. Hey, someday she’ll appreciate it. She’ll always have photographic evidence of the exact date she first got her period, and what she looked like on that day. Ain’t I a peach? I’m so proud of my little girl!

We’ll that’s it for today. I’m back to slaving for corporate America now. Y’all have a good one!

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Two Nights in a Hotel, and True or False….

Posted by Chuck on 11th April 2006

Good Tuesday morning everyone! I’m writing this on Monday night around 11 pm. I’m sitting in a hotel room in Jackson, Mississippi. It’s a rather nice hotel room, by the way; a two room suite with a whirlpool tub. Not too shabby. Anyway, it’s been a busy past couple of days. I got in here around noonish on Sunday and have been working pretty much non stop ever since. But I have had my evenings free.

The following are just a few things I may or may not have done over the past few days. Feel free to speculate on which are true and which may be false…..

  • Was pulled over for speeding in Meridian, Mississippi. I was doing 84 in a 70 mph zone. Flirted shamefully with obviously gay State Trooper and got off with a warning and his cell phone number. Hey, if the chicks can work what their mama’s gave ‘em, why can’t the men?
  • Went to Hooters to eat wings/crab legs/drink beer and noticed a very attractive redhead sitting about four feet away. She was wearing a wedding band and so was I. We made small talk; her hubby was out of town and so was I. She liked watching NASCAR and I liked wings, boobs and beer. We ended up sitting together and she helped me crack open my crab legs, and dipped my meat in the melted butter. Got her cell phone number, but being the “true to my vows” kind of guy I am….I didn’t call. Nor did I memorize/save to my phone for when I’m in town again….
  • Watched the Sopranos and Big Love, sitting on the couch in my separate sitting room…wishing I had the one I love sitting there with me.
  • Took a shower in my whirlpool tub slash shower, letting the hot massaging water beat upon my neck and aching back, and accidently soaked the floor of the bathroom. Used all but one of the towels to sop up the inch of water on the tile floor.
  • Picked up someone I’ve never met before at the airport.
  • Before the night was over I ended up getting a killer buzz with said person from the airport.
  • Dined at this restaurant and had one of the best beef fillets I have ever eaten, topped with lump crab meat and 6 grilled shrimp on the side.
  • Shared a couple of killer bottles of red wine, along with two Sky vodka tonics. Taking my fifth sip of the first vodka tonic I felt something between my top front teeth. Went to pull it out and discovered a black hair, about six inched long. Ended up getting all the mixed drinks for our table free, but still the tab was $280.
  • Got back to my hotel room in time to lay on the very comfortable king sized bed and masturbate while watching Greta Van Susteren on Fox News. She’s hella hot!!
  • Discovered that I have to cut my business trip short and come home early on Tuesday because my good for nothing ex wife, who has no job or responsibility, can’t take my son to have his soccer team pictures made.

So, which do you think are true or false? Or are any of them actually false? You be the judge…

I’ll be back to regular blogging tomorrow, and who knows…maybe I’ll even pull a HNT out of my ass for Thursday. It’s not a promise, just a possibility…so don’t go being all pissed if it doesn’t work out!

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