Yesterday my twelve-year-old daughter T came home with tears in her eyes. I had just gotten in from a day of meetings and work when she walked home from the bus. I could tell immediately that something wasn’t right. I assumed that something had gone wrong at school, and I was right. It seemed one of her best friends made a move towards T’s boyfriend and won. She’s heartbroken.

Now I’ve known this “friend” of hers for a couple years. We’ve had her over to spend the night countless times and taken her places with us, etc. This girl is a total piece of shit. She’s been busted already at school and at a store for stealing. She’s a habitual liar. When she’s here at the house she puts on the “Eddie Haskell” act and tries to act all nice and polite, but you can see right through her. Susan and I’ve tried to get T to drop this friend for months now, but my ex is a friend of the girls Mom so it makes it hard for T to end things. Hell, the girl’s step Dad is a minister so you’d think she’d act like she had some kind of home training. Then again, you know what they say about Preacher’s Kids…

So I laid it on the line with T yesterday afternoon and told her she needed to cut off this skank once and for all. Once I was done hugging her and wiping away her tears I told her that I’d help her write a note to the ex boyfriend. Last night after dinner I sat down and dictated what I thought she should say to the punk. Man did we have fun with that! It took a couple of drafts, but we finally got things like we liked them. We ended it with this statement, “I’m not saying all this because I want to get back together with you. I’m writing it because I want you to know the truth about _____ . Besides, I wouldn’t want to go out with someone who would stoop so low as to break up with me for someone as disgusting as her.” Ain’t no two bit punk ass 7th grader going to mess with my precious!

Just to clarify, the kids in the seventh grade here don’t actually go out. “Going out” is the phrase they use for being boyfriend and girlfriend. Like when I was young we said “going together”. Anyway, it’s mostly a relationship for the hallway at school. They don’t even talk on the phone together. But still, he was her first real boyfriend and I hate to see her hurt.

Well it’s Friday, but the weeks not over for me. I’ve got a shit load of work to do today before the whistle blows and I slide down the dinosaur’s back, clock out and head home to Wilma. I’ve also got a lot of travel time in my future. I’ll be out of town three days next week and then three more the week after. What will my wife do without me? I already told her that I’m sorry she’ll have to go without the wonders that are my manhood and sexual technique for so many nights. She just rolled her eyes and snorted. Ah, it’s great to be so loved….

Y’all have a great weekend!

Yo, yo, yo! Sup Dawgs? Sorry, just channeling Randy Jackson there for a minute.

Hey folks. Damn, this week is kicking my ass and it’s only half over. I have never looked forward to a Friday more than I am now. I’m actually typing this (slightly drunk) Tuesday night cause I know I won’t have time to do much more than click “post” in the morning. I’ve got meetings galore Wednesday, and several more on Thursday. So don’t y’all be expecting a HNT pic from me, okay? I’m sure you’ll all understand.

So, is everyone still watching American Idol? Yeah, I thought so. You know Taylor Hicks is DA MAN, right? I’m sure you saw the perspective Idol’s performances last night and you’ll agree with me that he was the best. Chris who? Yeah, after last nights show I’m convinced that Chris Daughtry can’t sing anything but hard rock shit. Check out the new Taylor game link thing I have (added by Julie) on my side bar. It’s all kinds of fun! Click on it and watch him dance.

Okay, so obviously I don’t have much to say today…

Oh, yeah….There was something exciting that happened last night. I was outside having a cig and watching my dog take a dump and I heard some loud music coming for the hot young chick’s house (purchased for her by her rich Dad) next door. My curiosity got the best of me and I walked over to the house and found myself getting all wrapped up in the drunken festivities. Luckily I had my camera and took this picture.

I don’t know about you, but there is something kinda hot about this picture. Maybe it’s the chicks kissing, or the hand in the pants, or the bra covered boobage….nah, it’s definitely the cigarette betwixt her fingers! LOL

Thanks Shumpeh!

Y’all have a great Wednesday and Thursday. I’ll be back with more on Friday. Happy Hump Day! I’ll be humping me some tonight!!

P.S. I finally got a chance to respond to your comments from the last post. Thanks for taking the time to holla!

I’m embarking on what will be a week from hell. I’ve got a ton of work related crap to do this week; meetings to attend, people to see and places to go. Don’t expect much from me until at least Friday. I’m not saying I won’t “pound one out” later for the old blog, but at this point it’s highly unlikely.

My kids went with their Mother over the past week to visit family in Florida. Susan and I have enjoyed a week as childless parents, it’s been nice but I’m ready to see them again. They’ll be home sometime today.

Not much excitement happened here over the weekend. We watched a lot of television; movies, basketball and shit on Tivo. Yesterday we went out to lunch and then to see Inside Man at the movies. It was very good! If you’re a Denzel, Clive Owen or Jodie Foster fan then this is the movie to see. I highly recommend it to everyone.

Is anyone else as happy as I was to see Tony Soprano finally come out of that coma? Man, I was ready to stop watching, after last night’s episode, if he hadn’t. They better start kick starting some action soon! I’ve waited a long time for this show to start back up…I want to be entertained!

Well folks, it’s back to the salt mines for me. My five minute break is over. I hope you all have a good and productive week. I’m ready for Friday already! Later…

For those of you who often find yourself wondering exactly what it is that Julie and I talk about everyday on the phone, I thought I’d enlighten you. The following list includes actual points of discussion we had throughout the day of March 23, 2006.

• What if you farted out of your mouth and burped from your butt?

• If you could have any career in the world what would it be? (I chose being a famous actor, she chose being a flip flop shop owner…figures)

• The upcoming Larry The Cable Guy Movie…should we be start camping out in line for tickets now?

• Circumcised versus uncircumcised…which is better? Benefits and features of both.

• Albinos, why is it they’re always featured as villains in the movies?

• Polygamy - How I’d like to have four wives, maybe five.

• How the nation would be better if the Confederacy had won the War of Northern Aggression.

• The benefits of being a woman and having a blast of hot cum in your face.

• Natalee Holloway - saint or sinner?

• Y2K, did we do anything to prepare?

• Bo Snagley’s fowl sex.

So there you go. Just a small portion of one day’s discussion. Y’all feel free to pick any one of the topics and give me your thoughts in the comments.

Have a GREAT WEEKEND! TGIF Baby!

Okay, so based on your responses I rectum Fecal Friday is a no go. Oh well, I thought it was a great idea, but I don’t want to disgust people any more than I usually do. I suppose I’ll just have to delete all the poop pics off my digital cam….what a waste.

So, in other news I’ve returned from three days in Mobile, Alabama. Other than having to actually work, I had a great time. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a very sociable person. I love to meet new people and make new friends. There was a time in my past when I used to frequent bars and just strike up conversations with whoever was sitting near me. Those conversations, combined with the alcohol, would often cause me to get into a bit of trouble. And by trouble I mean wild sex with strangers. Of course those “one night stand” days are in the*cough* past, but I still like to drink it up with random people. I did this frequently over the past three nights.

There was a restaurant near the hotel I was staying at, and I took a good friend/customer there for dinner Sunday night. We sat in the bar area and I quickly realized that the crowd around the bar were mostly regulars and all pretty friendly with each other. My kind of place, I thought. I got friendly with the waitress/bartender, Ida, as well as a couple of the patrons sitting closest to our table.

Monday night I again chose the same joint, deciding against driving too far and risking a possible DUI. This time I sat at the bar smack dab in between a busty blond 30 something and an attractive black lady with some serious junk in the trunk. Ida remembered me from the night before and soon I had my beer and was working on my first shot. I used one of my time tested ice breakers by ordering a redheaded slut shot, and that instantly got the attention of the ladies next to me. They of course wanted to try my favorite shot concoction and three drinks later I had the blond’s hand on my knee, the hot black chicks arm around the back of my stool and I realized at that point that Old Chuckie was back! God it felt good. We continued on for another hour talking, joking, drinking and flirting. Ms. Big Tits asked me if I’d like to accompany her to Biloxi to party a little more, but I declined. I may like to flirt, but something told me that if I went with her I’d probably be tempted to end up balls deep in this chick, and that might go against a few of the vows I took about two and a half years ago. Yeah, I bet you didn’t know I could withstand temptation.

Tuesday night, once work was done, I showered and headed back to the restaurant. This time when I walked into the bar area Ida called out my name and began pouring me a Ultra draft. She introduced me to a couple fellas sitting at one end of the bar and I joined them and began making friends. I had a great time getting to know those guys. We talked about all kinds of stuff and I really felt accepted and part of the crowd. We ended up doing two rounds of sluts, a shot of Rumplemintz and a shot of Goldschlager. Combined with all the beer, I was gradually feeling no pain! As the evening wound down I realized I should probably cut the booze and head back to the hotel. My bar buds asked me to come back the next time I was in town, and assured me they’d probably be sitting here at the bar whenever I get back. I think I will stay in that hotel, in that part of the city, the next time I’m there. I really had a great time each night I was there. Those folks certainly made me feel at home. I wish I had friends like these here…Can you tell I’m lonely? Yeah, I’m pathetic.

I hope y’all are having a good week!

Howdy folks! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I had a pretty good one, if I may say so. Don’t have much to report today, other than I’m working out of town again. This time I’m in Mobile, Alabama, and I’m here for another food show…what fun! I’ll be here through Wednesday so I’m not sure if I’ll get another chance to post again for a couple days, although I’ll try to if I have the time.

I know I promised to write about the last day of the “Chuck and Julie” experience from last weekend, but I’m afraid it’ll have to wait. Actually Julie is going to write about it today and post some more pictures as well. If you’re wanting to read about our night in the tent you might want to click on over to her blog and check it out. Plus you’ll get to see me urinating. I’m sure you’ll be entertained!

Before I close this up there’s something I want to run past you all. I’ve been thinking about a new weekly feature for my blog. As everyone knows, Half-Nekkid Thursday is an enormous hit in the blogosphere, but I think we can take it a step further. Check it out…I’m envisioning something I’d like to call “Fecal Fridays”. You all know, as well as I do, that sometimes when you get up from the toilet you’re pretty impressed with what you see in the bowl. How many times have you called out to your significant other and said, “Hey (insert name here), you gotta come see this!” Well imagine if you were to take a picture of it and then post it on your blog? I’m sure it would be a big hit! We could even have a button made up for it, just like for HNT. Y’all let me know what you think. I’m expecting the response to be positive and over the top! Think of the comments we could all get. Each one would end with “Happy Fecal Friday!”, or “HFF!” for short! Seriously, think about it and let me know. Osbasso created a hit, why can’t I?

Talk at y’all later!

I thought I’d take today and write a little about the wonderful three days I had with Julie and Paul, and share a few more pictures while I’m at it.

We met Saturday night at a Hampton Inn in Jackson, Ms. I actually arrived a few hours before they did, so I had to wait anxiously for their arrival and the first meeting. I was okay till Julie called and told me they were about thirty minutes from getting there. The nerves started up then. Luckily I had already had a couple cocktails (I always bring my mini bar with me whenever I travel) so the nerves weren’t too intense. Soon I received another call and it was Julie saying they were turning into the hotel parking lot. I knew that was my cue to come on out, greet them and then help them carry their shit up to the room next to mine on the fourth floor.

Down the elevator I went, out into the corridor and over to the side door. Then I froze; I couldn’t bring myself to open that door and walk out to find their car. I stood there for a minute, hand on the door slowing my breathing and thinking. I couldn’t believe that finally after more than a year I was going to be coming face to face with those two. This was a momentous occasion. I’m sure you can gather, from what you’ve read in the past, that we have a special bond; an unusually formed friendship that in most cases wouldn’t have developed as it did. Everyday people “meet” through blogs or in other ways on the Internet, and I’d imagine in most cases those meetings don’t amount to much at all. It’s been different with us, from the very beginning.

So, there I stood…waiting to step through that door and meet my friends. After a few moments more I did just that. It was AWESOME!!

Now for some highlights:

Saturday Night:

• Kicked things off by having cocktails in the room

• Got in the car and drove to Hooters (Julie’s first time)

• Drank three pitchers of beer then drove to a sports bar

• Find out that the titty bars in Jackson had recently been closed by the mayor (son of a bitch!)

• Julie and I played Darts while Paul took random pictures, and the Beverly Hillbillies played on the tv above our heads

• Had a few redheaded slut shots (Julie’s first time - see in pic on the table)

• Back to the hotel around 1am, Paul passed out and Julie and I stay up and talk

Sunday Day

• Up early and went out for some shopping

• Lunch at Red Lobster…hello? Can you say Lobster Fest?

• Went to The Bass Pro Shop, took pictures of Julie kissing an alligator (see pic)

• Back to the hotel to watch the redneck festival, er I mean, NASCAR

Sunday Night

• Started drinking again around 4pm

• Walked next door to Chili’s for more drinking and dinner

• Had a shit load of Purple Hooter shots (Julies first time)

• Paul is the only one to eat, Julie and I drink heavily (2 for 1 Margaritas)

• Leave there and go to yet another sports bar

• Have more redheaded sluts and pitchers of beer

• Julie and Paul play pool (see pic) and I play songs on the jukebox and flirt with two chicks at the bar, Julie flashes patrons and shows cleavage (see pic)

• Bet them I can get the girls to invite me to join them, but Julie declines to make the bet

• Take a pictures of Julie making out with a stuffed animal head hanging on the wall (see pic)

• Back to the hotel, Paul and I jack off to see who can cum the fastest and Julie takes pics and dances like a stripper, Paul wins

• Julie’s so drunk she slips in spilled cum and hits her head on the edge of the desk

• We call 911 and she’s kept overnight with a slight concussion

I’ll write about the day and night (oh what a night it was) of camping next time!!

Oh yeah, Happy St. Patrick’s Day! There sure were some great S.P.D. pics yesterday for HNT! Thanks for all the comments on mine. Tonight I shall party with the wife, eat wings and drink green beer….Hooters anyone? Have a good Friday!!

Happy (a day early) St. Patrick’s Day, and Half-Nekkid Thursday, to you all!!!

I thought I’d go risque one more time for HNT. It seems to be a trend lately with me.

Just in case you’re wondering, this picture isn’t one of those Julie and I took this past weekend..but it would have been hella cool if it had!

I must give my good buddy Southern Sweetheart a shout out, and thank you, for employing her Photoshop skills! Just think….she got to see the unedited pic! lol

I’ll continue tomorrow with more tales from the exciting weekend I’ve recently returned from…and more pictures!! I’m sure y’all are dying to read/see it all!!

It’s not Irish, but you can kiss it if you want!!

HHNT!!!!

Edit: For a more NSFW version of this pic click here! Come on, you know you wanna…

Well folks, we’re back at our respective homes safe and sound. Unfortunately as soon as I returned home I had to leave once again for a food show in Eastern Alabama and won’t be back home till late tonight. I expect there will be several posts from both Julie and I attempting to detail all the excitement of the past three days….and let me just tell you folks, there was a shit load of excitement! We all had more fun than three people should be allowed to have. For me personally, meeting Julie and her husband was one of the highlights of my life.

Until I have the time to go into all the detail, and rest assured I will, I’ll have to satisfy your thirst with a couple pictures. The first one here is the three of us; drinking, dining and posing for pics at Hooters.

Here I am…drunk off my ass, starting to get nekkid…and looking a bit on the bloated side!

Y’all have a good one, and I’ll write more later… and if you want to read more today, check out Julie’s blog… Sorry I didn’t have more, but I’m a little busy right now, you know…. working for a living.

This is Southern Sweetheart again — currently on the phone with Chuck as he’s dictating this post to you people. Sheez, the things I do for him…… I’m such a good “secretary”. Wonder what the pay will be this week?

I want to thank my sexy secretary, Southern Sweetheart, for helping me out in my time of no internet connection. QoP, Shrek and I tried 3 times to post an audio post last night and all 3 said they completed and posted but they never showed up. They were all kinds of funny - sorry you missed them. I’m on my way home and will be reporting all the action over the next few days - complete with pictures. You have posts to come with details of wild crazy strippers, nude dancing around the fire mixed with intervenous drug use, along with a “book” of funny shit we were saying all day everyday - stupid stuff - like hey, let me stick that in there - so we got around a picnic table and wrote it all down - duh - thus the “book.” I’m sure we’ll share it all in the near future.

I’m on my way home from Mississippi - haven’t showered in 2 days and my balls stink from slapping my ass so much! I feel like I need to stop and go to the bathroom, I’m hungry & want to stop and eat but I spent all my money paying the nudies.

It will be probably Thursday morning before I can share all the shit that happened. Julie may get to it before I do. Until then, ya’ll have a good one.

Whew! Glad that was over - this dictating shit is for the birds! This is SS again signing off…… (gosh that sounds like I should be on the SS Minnow!)