What’s “Up Chuck”?

I’ve been vomiting forth the excitement that is my life….Since July 2004

Archive for November, 2005

My Birthday, Thanksgiving and Leaving….

Posted by Chuck on 28th November 2005


Today’s post could very well be it for me for a while. I’m leaving here tomorrow morning and going to Chicago for a sales meeting that will last until Friday. Then on Sunday Susan and I leave for our vacation in Western Canada. I won’t be home and settled back in till a week from this Thursday, so I hope you all won’t forget about me in my absence!

As I mentioned in my last post, my birthday was on Saturday. I am now thirty-seven years old. For some reason that just seems so damn old. When my Father was my age he had a son, me, who was a senior in High School. I can’t imagine having a child that old right now. It amazes me to think of him back then, and how mature he seemed, and to think he was as old then as I am now.

My birthday was very nice. The kids had stayed with their Mother the night before, so after sleeping in on Saturday, Susan and I drove up to her place and picked them up. Then the four of us went to one of my favorite restaurants and ate while watching football on the many televisions mounted on the walls. Afterwards we came home and I continued to bask in the loving warmth of my family. (Yeah, I know that sounds lame, but it was my birthday…so deal with it!) We decorated the Christmas tree and house then around eight o’clock we ordered pizza and watched Madagascar on DVD. A little later Susan and I slipped off to the bedroom and I received my first annual “Birthday Blow Job To Completion”. A little later Susan, my daughter and I watched Terms of Endearment. Let’s just say, mine were the only dry eyes in the room. Overall it was a wonderful birthday.

Thanksgiving was superb. I did 97% of the cooking, as usual, and I just have to say it was de-lish!! Both my sister-in-law and wife claimed it better than what their Mother makes. Of course we continued to eat it in leftover format for a couple days afterwards, other than the pizza. But last night I broke the cycle and made chicken stir fry. Yeah, it was all kinds of good.

Well, I guess that’s about it for now. I may have an opportunity to post while I’m in Chicago. If not I may welcome a guest poster or two. Anyone care to offer their writing talents to my humble home on the net?

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Say It Ain’t So…..

Posted by Chuck on 25th November 2005


From the Associated Press:

“After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways,” they said in a joint statement released by their publicists. “This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other.”

Is there hope for any marriage after this tragic news? As I sat down to take my morning dump this morning and opened the newspaper I was shocked and sickened to read this news. Seriously, I’ve been fans of these two for years now. Their show on MTV was one of my favorite reality shows ever. I even once had a dream that Nick and I were buddies and we hung out and watched football and drank Miller Lites together on a regular basis.

Oh well, first there has been all these many natural disasters like hurricanes, tornados, flooding and Ashley cought on film drunk at Burger King….and now this….maybe we are facing the end of the times.

Well tomorrow is my birthday. I hope I can put all this bad news behind me and have a good day!

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Happy Turkey Day!!!

Posted by Chuck on 24th November 2005

Sorry this is sorta late, but I hope all you American readers of mine are having a wonderful and filling Thanksgiving Day! I had intended to post more this week, including my “nearly” famous Thanksgiving Dressing recipe, but life got in the way and time got away from me. Fortunately we’re not traveling anywhere this holiday, so I’ve been busy cooking, baking and roasting. Family should be here soon, and we’ll all sit down to our festive feast. I hope your’s is just as good! Be safe if you’re traveling!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Gate Construction with Snagley and an Auburn Porn Pic…..

Posted by Chuck on 21st November 2005

Well I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Things were, as usual, pretty slow around here.

Friday morning Bo Snagley came over to help me build a gate for my deck. If any of you read his blog then you know he’s quite the handy carpenter. He had the gate designed, built and hung in no more than thirty minutes. Unfortunately I neglected to take any pictures of us while we were together. We had even talked about it at one point, but I think we both forgot. Anyway, we had a nice time catching up, constructing and then eating lunch. Hey Snag…remember the fraternity brother of our’s we were talking about Friday? Well, I saw him Saturday at Wal-Mart. I’ll fill you in when we talk later.

My daughter had a friend over to spend the night Friday night, and somehow she ended up staying till Sunday afternoon. Weird how that happens. Saturday Susan had a radio remote to work and my son and I met her there for some free Chick Fil-A biscuits and then he and I went to Wal-Mart to shop for all the crap we’ll (meaning I) need to cook for the Thanksgiving dinner. Susan’s sister Julie and her son are coming to spend the holiday with us, and I’m looking forward to it. Y’all may remember when I blogged about the last (and only) time she came here, back in the summer. It was right before she left her husband. Well now she’s left him and living back at home with their Mom. Julie is looking mighty hot these days. Seeing as she’s single and all I’m sure she’s a tad bit on the horny side. I wonder if Susan would entertain a little “two sisters with one guy” action? I might have to bring it up….I just hope Susan will consider me for the role of the “one guy” participant!

The weekend of college football was pretty uneventful in my book. I’m so over Tennessee this season it ain’t even funny. I think I’ll have to once again jump on the Auburn bandwagon like I was back in my college days. The annual Iron Bowl here in Alabama was a very one sided game. It hardly seemed that The Alabama Crimson Tide even showed up for the game. Auburn won quite easily. I thought I would include a picture here of what happens in this great state after the Iron Bowl. Unfortunately the picture is definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK so I’ll have to offer it to you here as a link. In this picture you can see a couple of losing Bama fans settling their bets with some Auburn guys. Can you see now why I’d like to get back on the Auburn bandwagon?

Well, today will be my only day of work this week so I’ve got a lot to get done. Next week, after the holiday weekend, I head to Chicago for four days, then Susan and I are going on vacation to Canada the week after that. I’ve some busy days ahead of me. This week will be full of Thanksgiving prep, but I’ll still find some time to blog before Thursday. So I suppose I’ll be talking to you all again on Tuesday.

Have a great Monday!

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Can I get a courtesy flush, please?

Posted by Chuck on 18th November 2005

The subject of my post today is not a pleasant one. It’s really not something most people talk about, out side of a doctor’s office. It’s simply the kind of thing you just keep to yourself, unless you’re like me and you don’t know when TMI (too much information) is just that…TMI. Well I had a long conversation with Julie about this the other day, and I thought I would talk a little about it here on my blog too. She shared her experiences and practices and I did as well. Who knows? Maybe it will open someone’s eyes and get a dialogue going with some of you. The subject matter of today’s post is…..

Various shitting practices, phobias and philosophies, or Chuck’s poopie problems.

I have always been a little weird about how and when I take a dump. Sometime around my middle school days I developed a fear of using public restrooms for the purposes of going number two. I’ve just always had a thing about the smells, need for privacy and lack of comfort a public restroom brings. Plus there is always the fear of not being able to find a stall that some idiot didn’t already defile with their nasty ways. Like I said before, I like my privacy. One of the worse things, in my opinion, are those busy bathrooms in major airports. Take O’Hare for example….every time I’m there, (and I’ll be there again in two weeks), I’m literally doing my business with ten to twenty other men all around me. The sounds and smells are terrible. Plus those plastic recyclable seat cover things, what’s up with them? Each time it rotates back into the seat I’m just scared shitless that the fresh covering that comes back out, just won’t be so fresh. You know what I mean?

As many of you know, I work from home. I’m in my home office at least three days a week. When I’m home I have no restrictions on when I take my daily dumps. The process usually starts sometime around 9am and continues every two hours till 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Thanks to the miracle of wireless internet, laptops and hands free cordless phones I can carry on a lot of my daily business from the potty. On an average day I’m talking on the phone at least two out of the four times I’m sitting on the throne. It’s great, these advancements in science and technology!

But the real weird thing is those days I’m not in the office. When I’m out on the road it’s a completely different story. If I leave my home, or hotel before that first urge hits me, I can go all day without squeezing some out. Wednesday was a prime example of this. I was working the food show I mentioned in an earlier post, and as soon as it was over I hit the road back to Alabama. It wasn’t until I was within ten miles of my home that I started getting the familiar urge. As my bowels were screaming I began to wonder….is it all in my head? It must be. It has to be a mental problem, and not physical. And that takes me back to my early developed fear of public restrooms. I’d love to know what exactly happened, way back then, to cause such a mental blockage of my bowels. It must have been drastic whatever it was. Maybe I could undergo hypnosis and find out…anyway, it’s a strange thing and it doesn’t seem to be very common.

Take my wife for example. The whole first year at her job here, after we married, she’d get about half way in her commute every morning and have to pull over somewhere and pinch a loaf. She hated it. Not only did it create a potential for being late to work, she would have to pick and choose where she’s stop. Be it a Starbucks one day, McDonalds the next, or even a dirty BP station….where ever she was, when the urge hit her, she’d have to stop. This became a daily habit for her, until she devised a plan. Her biggest problem was not having the need and going before she left the house, so she began to use Fleet suppositories. She inserts one of those babies and then does her hair, or make-up while it (in her words) “bakes up in there”. Like clockwork she takes her dump, cleans up then heads out on her daily commute. She obviously doesn’t have the pooping issues I have. I wonder if I’d be any different if I had to actually get up and leave the house every morning.

So there you have it. I’ve really opened myself up (and my wife who will kill me when she reads this) to you people. Do you think my defecation condition is something I can overcome? Should I seek therapy? Do they have therapists who specialize in rectal habits? I just don’t know. I guess I’ll just keep taking it one day, er…crap at a time.

Have a Great Weekend!!

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HNT - What I’m Thankful For…

Posted by Chuck on 17th November 2005

Warning…..some of these pictures may be NSFW

Today, in honor of next weeks Thanksgiving holiday, I’d like show you a few pics featuring some of the things I’m thankful for…

I present to you a Bevy of Beautiful Blogger Babe Boobies!! Or BBBBB for short…

All of these lovely ladies have, in the past, sent me these pictures for a previous post. I know many of you who are visiting today may not have been reading my blog back then. So these will be new to you.




Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!!

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Question For You…

Posted by Chuck on 15th November 2005

I was having a conversation with Julie this morning and an interesting (yeah right) subject came up. I thought I’d bring it up to you all and see what you’ll say….

Ready? Okay…

So, when you’re dead and in your casket, what do you want to buried in? Anything special? If you plan on being cremated, assume you’ll not be and answer anyway.

Inquiring minds want to know. Let’s hear your creative thoughts.

Thanks. Going out of town now……later.

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Attention Chattanooga….

Posted by Chuck on 14th November 2005

Hey folks….real quick post here. I’m heading out of town tomorrow for Chattanooga, Tennessee. I’ve got a food show there on Wednesday. So if there are any of you who live in the area who want to go out for a drink or ten, let me know. I’ll be downtown at the Marriot. I’m safe….You don’t believe me? Just ask Trick!

I’ll be back for HNT on Thursday…y’all have a good week!

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The Trunk….

Posted by Chuck on 13th November 2005

When I first went off to college, so many years ago, my parents bought be a big navy blue colored trunk to take with me. I used it to transport school supplies, clothes and any other necessities needed for my dorm room. During my years of education the trunk was too bulky to use every time I went home and back, so it ended up being more a decoration for the room. Sometimes it was a coffee table. Other times it held up a sagging bed. Most often it was a seat used by others who were hanging out in my room.

After college and during my first marriage it became a store-all for important things from my past. My ex-wife used it to keep all the things my Mother had given me, things from my childhood and high school years. Over the years the trunk and its contents moved with us many times. From college in Alabama, to Georgia then Tennessee, to Virginia, back to Tennessee, on to West Virginia then to Florida, and then back to Tennessee. From there it traveled with us again to Alabama, out to Oklahoma and then finally back here to Bama once again. During all this time it continued to collect objects and material from my past.

Over the past few years it’s remained sealed. It was that blue rectangular thing, taking up a corner in an attic or garage or the out building, depending on where we lived. I had a decent idea of what was in there, but never really had a need to crack open it’s lock and dive into the contents of my past. That was until yesterday…

Over the past two years Susan has been gradually transferring the contents of our attic from cardboard boxes into nice Rubbermaid containers. She’s taken boxes of old college fraternity t-shirts of mine, books, my TV Guide collection (1979-1990), my childhood toys (Star Wars action figures and ships and G.I. Joe toys), etc and put them all into these containers. The one thing that was left out was my big blue trunk. Recently she suggested we get some containers to store the contents of my trunk. She asked me what was in there, and I told her it was just crap from High School and college…but I wasn’t exactly sure. It had been a while since I had last looked.

Yesterday I decided to dig into it’s contents and take a look….
We had intended to watch the Tennessee/Memphis game on pay per view, but that didn’t work out. Instead Susan went shopping and I went out and raked leaves. The raking only lasted about an hour and I found I had some time on my hands. I decided to drag the trunk from the walk-in section of our attic, into the guest room and take a look at what was inside. I set it up onto the bed and began taking out each item, piece by piece. Over the next hour I was transported back in time.

I read notes from girls I dated in High School and I looked over several of my report cards. (A D in consumer math? WTF?) I thumbed through my year books from Junior High, and read all the get well cards from when I had meningitis. Then I found my class folders from college, including the one from my fraternity. I read through my notes from chapter meetings and the outline I made for a pledge trip I had organized. I read the letters my Mom had written me. Almost all of them mentioned saving money, studying hard, and not putting too much focus into fraternity life. Then there was the letters from my Dad. My favorite said, “This check should last you till Spring. Be sure to save and spend it wisely. I got the Phillips 66 bill yesterday and was very upset to see all the charges. Only use that card for emergencies!” Yeah, I can’t count the chips, cokes and Copenhagen Snuff I bought with that gas card.

I also found letters written to me while I was in college from my best friend in High School, Brad. Later he was a M.P. deployed in Iraq during the first Gulf War. Each of his letters talked about how he missed pretty girls, good food, and how he’d taken up dipping Copenhagen again. Then I found a letter from another great friend, post marked Tokyo, Japan. Bo Snagley spent some time as a missionary in that country and had written me one letter while he was there. If anyone cares I would be happy to transcribe the entire letter here in a future post. Heck, I’d even scan the thing and post it, but I seriously doubt you’d be able to read his writing.

The one find that meant the most to me were my journals. From 1981 through 1986 I kept a daily journal, at the insistence of my Mother. She was, and still is, a diary writer. I couldn’t make myself say I was writing a diary, it sounded too feminine, so I called them “journals”. I guess, in retrospect, they were an early life long addiction. Here I am, more than 20 years later, still keeping a journal. I would have never thought, back in 1984, that I would someday be sitting in my own living room, with a ultra thin “type writer thing” sitting on my lap, writing about things in my life for anyone in the world to read if they wanted. Wow, how times have changed!

Saturday was a pretty good day. I took a nice trip back in time. The stuff I found means a lot to me, and I think some of it could even be fuel for future posts. Oh, wow….you should see the photo album of pictures I collected from 9th grade on into college. Talk about memories….

That’s all for now.

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HNT - Self Lovin’….

Posted by Chuck on 10th November 2005


It’s occurred to me that it’s been nigh over a week since I’ve “driven the beef bus to tuna town”, and in that time I’ve spent quite a few sessions churning my own butter, so to speak. I’ll be honest with you and say it’s not my favorite way to meet my needs, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

So here I am, post play time (yeah, this pic is so not staged….). I’ve got most of the essentials pictured here. Well, minus the phone and lil’ Chuckie, but you get the picture, right?

Click the pic for more detail.

Happy Half - Nekkid Thursday!

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