This morning I drove my son to his pre-school as usual. I deposit him to his class and go back out and get in the car. I am sitting there looking through the grocery store ads and the strangest thing happened. I look up just in time to see Ronald McDonald walking out of the school. I see him and he sees me and the stares right at me and gives me this wave. Not like a “hey there” wave, but a dainty little finger flopping kind of wave, you how where you wave each finger at the same time….kind of freaked me out. Has anyone seen the movie IT based the Stephen King novel? Remember the evil clown down in the sewer? That is what I thought of……It’s just not everyday that Old Ronald gives me the spooks!

So, Jim and I talked for a good while this afternoon as he was on his way to work. He really is the greatest of friends. I am not saying this to gain points, even though I have sort of neglected our friendship lately, so ya’ll don’t tell him what I say here, m’kay? I have only known him since Feb of this year (or was it Jan? See what a lousy friend I am? I can’t even remember the anniversary of the first time we hung out together. Okay, this is starting to sound a little gay…) So like I was saying, I haven’t known him all that long but it seems like we have been buds since grade school….even though he is ALOT older than me so we couldn’t have been in school together unless it was one of those one room school houses like on Little House On The Prairie, then it could be possible for us to have been in school together, as long as the kindergartners and seniors were in the same room. Good lord, what the hell am I talking about here?? Sometimes I lose my train of thought….oh yeah….I was saying that he is a very selfless and giving friend. You can not imagine how many times he has listened to me bitch about stuff, and he always has some good suggestions and advice. If you were to look the word friend up in the dictionary you would see a picture of Jim….yep that’s him in the pic above. He gave me permission to post it by the way….

My good buddy Jim suggested that my having posted the letter to my wife wasn’t appropriate, so I have deleted it. I deleted for two reasons: #1 It really wasn’t fair to Susan, she isn’t as bad as it made her out to be. #2 I was embarrassed that I would have acted that way and actually written and given her such a letter….then published it on the web.

Thank you Jim, Rita and the others who have given me advice. It is certainly evident that I have some issues but ya’ll should know I really am a nice guy! I have a dr. appt. in the morning and I also intend to continue with counseling, alone and with Susan.

Edit: Just so you know what I am talking about here I thought I would give you a little background. Last night, in a fit of anger, I sat down and wrote my wife a letter. We had had an argument and I was feeling slighted by her. Well, just writing this anger filled letter wasn’t enough for me I had to go ahead and publish it here on my site. After some wise advice I chose to delete it (see post immediately above this one). Okay, now back to my blog…..

Well, in hind sight I am not sure how I feel about actually going through with giving her the letter. I was woke up this morning with a call from her at 7:00 am. I guess she had found the letter and was calling me while on her way to work. We stayed on the phone for about 10 minutes and it was probably the longest phone conversation we have had since getting married. Unfortunately it wasn’t a pleasant call.

I will hurry this up and make it quick, she was pretty pissed that I would say and think the things I wrote about. She told me that all of this was just in my head, and the only successful thing I was doing was pushing her away. I told her that, while it may be true that it is only in my head, she was responsible for putting it there. If I got the attention from her that I deserve then there would be NO reason for me to think that way about her. We ended this, and the next two calls the same way….her saying she loved me so much and how she wanted to talk more about this later today/tonight.

I tell ya’ll one thing. I know I over react and am way too sensitive, but I don’t have to be this way. If she would just be consistent and help me to always know I matter to her, then all of this would be mute.

I love Susan more than life itself and would never want to do anything or behave in a certain way that would cause her to want to leave. Ya’ll let me know what your thought are on this, please. I can’t wait for these new anti depressant pills doc has me on to kick in!